I did not sleep well at all, too much pain and heat for me to get much sleep. I was awake every hour or so, which adds to the exhaustion. Also, the nights are just so long and lonely.
Marc has always said for me to wake him, but one of us needs to be functioning, so I cant wake him all the time. Besides I am the daughter of a night shift worker – YOU DON’T WAKE UP A SLEEPING PERSON! I was trained well; sleep is far too precious.
I almost cry with gratitude when daylight comes. We spend a quiet day doing some light errands until early afternoon. I am so slow and sore. As we drive past people I see them smile and I think, “How can they?” “What is there to smile about?”
I am so caught up in my own little toxic dark world. Even blinking seems too hard. My head and body feel thick, fuzzy and hot. I have bone pain in my back, hips, legs and feet.
I had to give myself the injection again today. I didn’t count to three for quite as long as yesterday but I still took a while. It’s all the head games I play with myself.
So it’s back to bed for me. I hate the thought of it but if I had a tank it would be soooo empty right now.
I need to remember that this is temporary; this too shall pass. I am not stuck here, it is only for a short time and when I get through I will find myself, my energy and my smile again.