Today I woke feeling okay a little sore but okay. Today is a busy day I didn’t stop all day between doing a little ‘Pilates’ to keep me moving, then washing, shopping and cooking dinner; phew!! It’s been a big one.
I had a great chat with mr Bonus daughter morning today about her ideas to the future. She’s so keen to explore the world and do a gap year after she finishes year 12. I believe it’s such a great idea for her and what an opportunity that may never present itself again.
By afternoon I’m ready to relax. I put my feet up and watch some mindless TV. I have such a pile of books to read, I think I’ve bought everything ever written on the subject of breast cancer. I’m doing this because I want to connect with the universal experience whilst knowing that my own experience is very individual.
It’s amazing what a gift that is reading about someone else’s experience and seeing how you relate to that. There are so many weird things that happen to your body during this journey that only another person in the same journey can share with you. So many little things that seem almost too weird to talk about I will find in the pages of a book and suddenly realise that it’s okay.
For example, since starting chemotherapy my feet have been so painful. To the point where first thing in the morning I can hardly walk. It’s like plantar fasciitis but more painful for me. I struggle so much with it. It’s weird how sore feet make the little things so much harder.
Otherwise, I’m feeling pretty good in general. It’s actually quite sad to think that I’m going to feel like crap again soon. I’m also approaching my birthday which is always a weird day for me. It’s weird for many reasons. Firstly because my beautiful Mum is no longer with me. She used to spoil all of us so much on our birthdays. It wasn’t about spending lots of money but about making you feel like a princess that the day.
Secondly, in my first marriage, as the relationship deteriorated I had at least four birthdays where the day was forgotten by my ex-husband altogether. This was really painful for me. I then separated on my 30th birthday which is also a painful memory from me.
I’ve taken so much baggage along with me that my birthdays are always and mixed bag of emotions. This one will be interesting not only because of the journey I’m on, but also because I’ll be in peak time of the effect of the chemo on my body. So I’m lowering my expectations and hopefully things will all go well.