tumblr_mn3qv6dDeX1riv7y0o1_500I finally get to sleep by 1.30am with Valium, and am awake at 2.30am – WTF!!!  I’m awake every hour and just don’t know what to do with myself.  By 4am I’ve been watching the “Under the Red Dress Project” on my phone and am so inspired.

I thought about “behind the smile” as so many times people have said to me that I’m smiling, I must be doing things easily.  How little they know.

My tummy feels really blocked and bloated.  My thinking is slow and fuzzy.  My tongue is small and dry.  My hands and feet are swollen and hot.  I find myself saying, “Your joy is my strength Lord, I will rejoice in this day.”

Seriously, without something bigger, a greater purpose and strength, it would be easier to just lay down and say,” No more” some days.  To those struggling to get through the day, I send you strength and kindness.  I am sorry you have to journey through this and I pray you are surrounded by love and support.

It’s another long day with a conference, and again I’m in bed by lunchtime exhausted.  I really don’t know what i was thinking coming along.  I have such FOMO, (Fear of missing out), yet here I am in my room just wanting to chuck my guts up :(   So have I missed out or not??