I clock watched from 2 AM today so I am quite tired when the alarm goes off to start the day. I’m really sore today, I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record but I’m trying to be real fit anyone else who is going through this.

tensionIt’s so easy when it isn’t you to be asking “is over yet?”  “don’t you feel better yet?” “you’re still tired?”  I feel like part of my purpose is sharing this reality to help anyone else who is struggling.

Marc is home today, what a lovely surprise.   He went for a surf and I stayed in the car.  I don’t even have the energy to walk on the beach.  It took all my strength to agree to come with him today.

I’m so fearful that he will be sick of me soon, but I also know that this is fear, it is a lie and not truth.   I still have this pervasive flatness in my mood –  not just my chest ( bad joke warning)…

I’m teary,  I feel useless, I struggle to find enjoyment in  things,  I don’t know how to relax,  and what I would do to have a freaking shower or bath.  DISCLAIMER –  I still have the drain in so I cannot shower or bath.   I feel like such a whiner.

Enough of me,  I tried today to get Sam to do the lawn, I’m trying to get him to help (so it is not all on Marc)  but Sam gets something in his eye, it really hurt him  and he refuses to finish.   This leaves the job to Marc, which makes him so mad.  He is simmering away and I feel even more useless.

I understand it from both sides and I feel completely stuck.  It’s his day off and he has to get the job done, and Sam hurt himself and is worried it’ll happen again.

I’m really noticing the tension in our home and I’m not sure what to do about it.  I’m sure it all comes down to the extra pressure on everyone else with me not being able do what I normally do.