growingpainI fall into bed at 11pm again….. absolutely exhausted!  Yet its midnight and I am still awake……  I am trying not to use sleeping tablets but by 1230, I took one in desperation…..

I crashed, then bounced awake at 145am, this is complete torture.  I nodded off at some point and woke at 5am.  I guess I can say its getting better??  Spent some quality time with Marc before he went to work today, those moments when we can really talk and hear each other are so precious.

I saw my plastic surgeon today and he is happy with the drain site, aspiration results are clear, he expanded another 50 mls either side.  So now I am at 300mls, half way!!!!  Man I am quite sore, but I’ll be ok.  I’m so focuses don the end goal, I want to be free of this process, free of doctors and just try to get on with life….

I spoke with my big sister today who also went through breast cancer and she said she took Effexor for pain and hot flushes, she said it worked really well for her.  The dilemma…. to take or not to take, that is my question…

Had a lovely night with my stepdaughter, chatting and doing school stuff.  My brain still works at times.  Marc home at midnight tonight, he works so hard….. The guilt sets in, am not doing enough….. I need to pull my weight.  Devil get pout of my head, you have no place there…..