Bald Barren And Boobless

An honest and comical reflection of my journey through breast cancer

Some days are just hard

photoSo I am now Day 10 post first chemo round. I slept ok thanks to many drugs now at my disposal. My ovulation pain has stopped which is great, one less pain.  But the heat coming from my body is unbelievable, not even in a hot flush sense but pure heat radiating from my hands , feet, torso, it’s amazing and really uncomfortable.

Marc will be sitting next to me and can feel me radiating.  My hands and feet are swollen and hard to use, so walking and little things like opening jars etc are hard to do.  I had to have a blood test today to ensure my white cell count does not go too low.

Highlight of my day a great friend from my school days comes to visit. It’s the first time I have seen her in probably 18 months. We have our oldest boys (13 now) just 2 weeks apart and they get on really well too.

We have a simple lunch, I am so excited to have her and her family here I am not focusing just how achy and yuck I feel. They leave after a few hours and I decide to lay down. Small bursts of excitement work for me at this stage.

I drag my sorry butt to my bed and as I lay down my beautiful puppy Betty Boo (yes that her in the picture) pees on the bed. I seriously want to cry. She doesn’t know any better, it’s my fault that I didn’t take her outside and my tank is in the negative now. Besides, look at that face how can you get cranky with someone so cute.

So after I change the sheets and put them in the washing machine I lay down. Oh man how good it feels to lay down and not move my aching bones. Then I need to go to the shops to get food for dinner. I am exhausted, aching, sore and having pain at my surgery site, (right mastectomy).

It’s weird I feel the nipple and all kinds of weird sensations sometimes like let down when you breast feed. Very strange indeed as there is nothing there.  My right chest is concave, unless you see it it is hard to imagine.  It’s not just like a flat chest like a Mans, its concave.  It is truly strange when you are used to the lovely womanly curve that used to be there.

As I swallow the Endone that will allow me to sleep I am thankful for old friends, for laughter, for clean sheets and for my family that I love and that love me.  Tomorrow is a brand new day.

2 Comments

  1. Chemo and surgery are very hard, physically and emotionally. Hang in there!,It gets better – I promise.

  2. Its good that you recognize your limitations and need to rest (assumed from your small bursts of excitement comment). As hard as it is to get out and about, that’s one of the best things for you. Keep your muscles moving as much as you can. I know that you feel so bad all you want to do is rest…whether you can actually sleep or not. I made the mistake of not pushing myself to get regular exercise…allowing my muscles to atrophy…to the point that it was difficult to get up out of a chair.

    No one can understand the depths of the bone pain unless they’ve been there. I tried to look at the bone pain as a good thing. The chemo toxins are at work attacking every corner of your being…destroying both the good cells and bad cells. The bone pain is a sign your body is restoring the good cells…rebuilding you from the smallest detail. It doesn’t help the pain but at least I feel like its justified. One thing I did find is that it helped the pain when my husband lightly rubbed the areas that were hurting the most. Usually the big bones in my legs.

    Sharon Green is right, it does get better. Your life will be changed forever. The cancer will be both a bad thing that happened to you and a good thing. It’s hard to explain…but you will learn things about yourself (and others) that can only be found in this most difficult journey.

    You will be in my prayers.

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