So it’s Monday. Last night it was really hard to get to sleep, but eventually I did. So when I’m woken this morning by my alarm I don’t really want to listen. I feel so washed out, so tired, so sore, it is really hard to explain.
I wonder if I am ever going to bounce out of bed again? Is this a distant dream that I need to let go of? Am I just teasing myself with the idea of bouncing out of bed full of joy and energy? I really don’t know the answer to that.
I woke up with such a big list of things to do. I got home after the school drop-off and my metaphorical petrol tank was completely empty. I went back to my bed and literally didn’t leave.
I dragged myself out of bed at 5 o’clock in the afternoon and walked the dog. I felt better afterward. I’m still so sore and so tired. There’s this really strong desire in me to find the balance, but what does this mean? Is this another way to tease myself? Is there such a thing as balance?
I fear that my life will never be the same again. I have a sneaking suspicion that my life as I knew it is long gone and has been replaced by something that is not familiar and not wanted. In order to keep moving forward I need to find the good, the hopeful, the light. I don’t know how to do this, but what I do know is that I’m not going to stop looking.