Bald Barren And Boobless

An honest and comical reflection of my journey through breast cancer

Tag: medication

I Attend A Conference – Sucker For Punishment.

chemo
So it’s my last chemotherapy treatment and I am on day 2.  I have a professional development conference to attend.  I’m not sure if I will cope but won’t know until i do it.

I slept like a zombie from 10.32pm – 11.18pm.  WTF!!!  Then I tossed all night long with hip and knee pain, I’m so hot and my tummy is so sore.  I finally got up at 4.30 am.  I just can’t lay in bed anymore.

We are in a hotel so I am aware of not disturbing Marc.  Its really hard, there is nowhere to hide.

I feel fragile but okay.  My head feels fuzzy, my hands and feet are really hot, my tummy is bloated and sore, but I am not too bad.  I dose up on pain killers and anti nausea meds and I get ready to go to the conference.  I make it to the lunch time break before I hit the wall.

It’s been weird – I’m with my business friends and none of them have seen me since before I was sick.  They are all so supportive, but I feel like an alien. Like I am in this weird parallel universe. They all tell me I look great, but really, I am sure they are being kind.

We are staying on the site that the conference is in so I went up to our bedroom and lay down, sleeping until 6pm.  We then went out to dinner.  I took it very slowly.  I felt quite weak and shaky and was waiting for the awful diarrhoea to hit.  I’m almost scared to leave the safety of a bathroom within 6 feet.

I took it slow and it was pretty fun I guess.  I’m in bed by 11 PM dosed with endone and valium let’s see how we go.  Still not sure if i am overly optimistic or just stupid for expecting myself to do this……

Flatter than a flat thing

Image result for flat affect 252 × 252 - healthtapI wake and I am feeling flatter then a flat thing if you get my drift?  But Lord you are my strength, thank goodness I could not do this without you.  My little list for the day;

  • blood test to make sure I’m ready for chemo tomorrow
  • see the doctor
  • have acupuncture
  • take the dog to the vet
  • driving lesson with Mon
  • preparation for tomorrow
  • breast cancer support group tonight

I’m exhausted just looking at this list.  How on earth did I end up with a day like today?  I think even the idea of staying in bed would have been too much me today.  Well no point whining, it won’t change anything – except make it even harder.

I get through the day, I really don’t know how.  Group was good, is great to be able to share with people that really know what you’re going through.  I made Scotty and Luke’s pumpkin superfood soup for dinner.  OMG!!  It is so good.  I did it with the intention of preparing the most nourishing food for my body in preparation for the onslaught tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my last chemotherapy, I’m so excited but dreading it at the same time.  By bed time I’m so achy I take 2 endone and 2 Valium – surely I will sleep, surely.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

exhausted pup
I had a good sleep with some pharmaceutical help.   After such a lovely day yesterday I was looking forward to another great day today.  I’m greedy aren’t I?

Another excellent church service, they always speak to me in a way that I need to hear which is such a gift.  I come home after church and need to sleep as I’m exhausted.  Denmark wakes me at 5 o’clock.  I’m so exhausted.  I can’t believe more than five hours has passed and I really don’t want to get out of bed.

But it’s our Sunday night family dinner so I need to get up.  My sister-in-law comes to dinner with her beautiful girl Eliza.  Alison, beautiful girl, does my ironing, what an absolute blessing.  At first I really struggled with her helping like this, but then as the exhaustion set in, over time I stopped fighting.  I literally didn’t have the energy.

After dinner my entire body is aching, I’m sore, can’t think straight, blinking is hard, and all I can think about is bed.  I really can’t explain to you just how tired I feel.  It is like a beast I’ve never experienced before.

I feel some guilt as I struggle to spend quality time with my family.  This was always something that was so important to me yet being so exhausted I can’t keep my eyes open.  I’m not even listening when people speak to me because I’m so preoccupied with the pain I feel.  How on earth am I meant to live like this?

So I crawl into bed praying that tomorrow is a better day.  It’s my man’s birthday tomorrow, I pray that he is blessed and feels loved as much as we really love him.