I was awake until 1 am. I’m so frustrated and exhausted. I wake slowly again and realise that I have a big to-do list today. I have many phone calls, emails and doctors appointments to do today. We also have people coming to dinner, I don’t know what I was thinking.
I’m completely exhausted just thinking about what’s ahead of me today. My energy is so low, I have burrning diarrhea, not sure how I’m going to get through. A high point is that today is the last injection that I need to give myself. It’s those injections to boost my blood from the effects of chemo. What an accomplishment. I still remember the fear and trepidation as I hovered shakily over my own stomach the first time with that needle.
Some people have to give themselves injections every single day, again you are my hero. It amazes me how much you are able to overcome when you just put one foot in front of the other.
Amazingly I got through my to-do list today, but I did not rest. I pray that tonight I do not pay the price, but it was just one of those mad days. How am I ever going to find the balance, or is it accepting that sometimes you have those days?
I had a slightly better sleep but it’s still broken. Because my sleep is broken, I feel broken. But that can’t stop my excitement for today, today is my last chemo. I’m dreading it but I am also so excited.
It’s a really busy morning getting ready for the last chemotherapy plus the training conference that I’m attending today. I’m trying to get the family ready for Marc and I being away. I’m also on the phone trying to coordinate my upcoming surgery. I have the second mastectomy and reconstruction on the 5th May. I am also trying to have my ovaries removed at the same time. I’m doing it this way to minimise the amount of general anaesthetic that I have.
There’s a bunch of research that shows just how toxic the anaesthetic is and how it shortens your life. So far I’m shortened by about 15 years if you go by that theory!!! Nice huh? Lucky I was planning to live past 100 anyways……
I’m seeing some specialists next week to discuss the details of upcoming surgeries and work out a plan. It is very hard to co ordinate to have 2 different surgeons work on you at the same time.
We arrived for the chemo and I need to slow down, I need to get my head in to gear for what’s about to happen. The mind set you go in to it with is critical. I need to focus on positive, healing and strength.
Marc and I are in the swing of things now, we have activities to do, the right food too and we also make a video diary as well. We got some great pics of the staff all protected from the toxic stuff. I still feel nauseous and I have a fuzzy head, but otherwise I’m okay. I’m glad to say I will not miss this place.