waiting w clock

Monday the 18th of November 2013

I saw my new GP, she says “well we have the blood test and you have Hashimoto’s of the thyroid.”  This is an autoimmune disease where your own body attacks the thyroid gland making it function poorly – OMG I wasn’t imagining it!  So my lethargy, pain, headaches and other weird symptoms can be attributed to my poor thyroid functioning.  I feel so validated

She also says, “You have 3 questionable spots in your breast, 2 on the right and one on the left, you need a biopsy today of the largest lump and see breast surgeon regarding the other two.”  Holy crap!

She gets on the phone and tries to book me in for a biopsy.  I ask to go to the original place where I had the mammograms.  They tell the Doctor that they are flat out and can’t guarantee to see me for hours, she tries her best but I agree to go back and wait.  What else am I going to do really?

Marc and I go back to radiology and am told to wait until they can do the biopsy, I am treated very badly by reception.  The lady is so rude and angry telling me they have no appointments, “I say I am happy to wait,” she reads the referral sees the word malignancy and then she becomes nice.  Weird how one word changes people behaviour huh?

The biopsy was done after only an hour wait.  The technician and the Doctor were really lovely.  They say I should know pathology in 24 hours.  They are putting a rush on the results, thats great but it really scares me.

A biopsy is a weird experience. They numb the tissue but it is not gentle at all.  They use a ripping great needle and shove it deep into the tissue to get a core sample of the questionable area.  Today they only do the one on the right, the largest one.   I am to see the breast surgeon tomorrow at 9am.  He will decide if there is any more biopsies needed and I will also know the results if this biopsy then.

Needless to say it is an anxious night for Marc and I, contemplating the future. We talk about things we have not been forced to consider before, its so weird how you go to a place that you cannot come back from.  You realise on one swift moment you are mortal, you are not above death, you have a finite time here and you realise all of the things you have not done that you wish you had or that you need to get done.

I also became really sad about my son Sam, I felt every one else in my world would be ok but he is so young and really relies on his “Mummy.” I am his biggest fan and his biggest advocate, what would happen if I was not here tomorrow, who would go into bat for him, who would he ask those big questions of?

I settle in and try to sleep, but sleep is not my friend tonight.