birthday candlesDespite being so exhausted when I went to bed last night, I was awake until after 1.30 in the morning.  I had so much pain in my joints that I just couldn’t sleep.  Even taking some really strong pain relief I tossed and turned until 5 AM.

An absolutely awful thing about today is it’s my honey’s birthday.  Hip hip hooray!!!  Yeah right……. I feel like one of those dying flowers in a vase trying to look nice but failing miserably.

I tried my best to spoil him before he went to work, he seemed to appreciate the quirky gifts we got him.  He’s not an easy man to buy for, whenever he sees something he likes, he usually gets it so it is very hard to surprise him.

We had a nice morning and then I do the school run, go shopping, wash the loads of dirty clothes, and do more washing and ironing.  I also did the kids sheets and made their beds with new sheets.  Why I decided to do this after having virtually no sleep last night I do not know.  I don’t even understand myself at times….

I am so exhausted that I feel really sick.  I really have no one to blame but myself.  I should have stayed in bed, the chores will always wait.  Somehow my mother’s guilt got the better of me.

I made Marc his birthday dinner, I felt as sick as a dog.  I feel like I’m going to lose it at either end any moment.  Not a nice way to try and make someone’s birthday special.  I’m so exhausted I really need to sleep.  I feel so selfish at the moment.  I’m so focused on how bad I feel that I’m unable to give anything to anyone else.  I really hate this.  I am determined that his next celebration will be much more special.