Oh my goodness I actually got a little sleep last night. I’m in shock this has not happened to so much time. I am at day 12 of my Chemo cycle now and am beginning to feel human again. As many wise women have told me I need to be careful of being romanced by the idea of my energy returning.
Many amazing women who have walked this road before me have shared with me that I need to prioritise my rest. As many of you may imagine, this is one of my biggest challenges. I am not used to pacing myself, pulling myself first, being kind to myself, being patient with myself. This is like a new language I am yet to learn.
As I have shared previously, I do believe this experience has come to teach. This is how I choose to look at my circumstances and take the gifts from it. One such gift I believe will be for me to learn how to be kind to myself. For me to learn how to give back to myself and how to fill my own tank.
I believe God has been trying to teach me this for many years, however I am as stubborn as a mule. I think it has taken the road of cancer and a complete and utter destruction that comes with chemo to bring me to my knees. And on my knees I am.
Despite this enlightenment I again had a busy day ahead with no planned rest. So whilst I am waking up to the idea of the lesson I am being given I am still yet to put into practice. As one of my business mentors would say, “if you know and don’t do then you don’t know.”
An exciting thing that’s happening today is a new piece of furniture is being delivered. We bought what is called a snuggle chair this beautiful chair that is round, comfy and fits 2 people. Romantically, I think Marc and I had visions of us sharing this chair while we chatted, read the books and just spend time together. See the picture above, this is the chair in our lounge room.
The current unfortunate truth, is that each time I am near him I have so many hot flashes that I cannot really be near him. What a sad story this is.
Again my to-do list is longer than my energy levels. After church this evening we head home and I am completely whacked. I really need sleep. I also really need to get this lesson and start resting regardless of how I feel. I need to be proactive not reactive. One day it will sink in. Thank goodness my God is so gracious and patient with me.
I slept ok, better than expected without medication. I wake feeling tired but ok. Tiredness is a permanent state of being for me at this time, Lethargy s like a friend staying on my couch uninvited and I can’t get the to leave.
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