I had a slightly better sleep but it’s still broken. Because my sleep is broken, I feel broken. But that can’t stop my excitement for today, today is my last chemo. I’m dreading it but I am also so excited.
It’s a really busy morning getting ready for the last chemotherapy plus the training conference that I’m attending today. I’m trying to get the family ready for Marc and I being away. I’m also on the phone trying to coordinate my upcoming surgery. I have the second mastectomy and reconstruction on the 5th May. I am also trying to have my ovaries removed at the same time. I’m doing it this way to minimise the amount of general anaesthetic that I have.
There’s a bunch of research that shows just how toxic the anaesthetic is and how it shortens your life. So far I’m shortened by about 15 years if you go by that theory!!! Nice huh? Lucky I was planning to live past 100 anyways……
I’m seeing some specialists next week to discuss the details of upcoming surgeries and work out a plan. It is very hard to co ordinate to have 2 different surgeons work on you at the same time.
We arrived for the chemo and I need to slow down, I need to get my head in to gear for what’s about to happen. The mind set you go in to it with is critical. I need to focus on positive, healing and strength.
Marc and I are in the swing of things now, we have activities to do, the right food too and we also make a video diary as well. We got some great pics of the staff all protected from the toxic stuff. I still feel nauseous and I have a fuzzy head, but otherwise I’m okay. I’m glad to say I will not miss this place.
I slept again – woo hoo! I could get used to this. I am feeling a bit yuck in the head, and still as tired as heck but I’m remembering what Human can feel like.
After I get the kids to school and do what needs to be done I decide to take myself to the movies today. Kylie no friends, how liberating! I really wanted to see August Osage County and hadn’t had the opportunity until now.
Have you ever gone to the movies alone? I encourage you to do it. The first time I was so uncomfortable thinking every one would be looking at me and judging me for being alone. But like most things in life, no one cares. It is actually incredibly freeing. Realising that you don’t need anyone else to entertain yourself or do things you want is very empowering.
I arrive at the cinema and I am alone in the theatre except for one other. I take about 3 seats to myself; unpack my healthy goodies I packed and sit back to be entertained. Entertained I am but it is an incredibly sad and heart breaking movie. What a powerful story. It really impacted me and made me feel so blessed for the family I have and the love I am surrounded with.
Yes we all have our baggage and crap that occurs. Every family has a few skeletons in the closet that’s for sure. If they say they haven’t they are just having themselves on.
When I arrived home I was greeted by an incredible bunch of flowers from my networking group 4N. What a beautiful thought and gesture. I feel so much gratitude for these people that are willing to reach out and let me know I am in their thoughts.
I haven’t rested today so I am totally whacked by nightfall. I do an experiment tonight and decide to try to sleep unaided by sleeping pills or pain relief – am I mad or not? Let’s see hey?