I’m awake at 7 am it’s Sunday morning. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. No church for me today, I lay in bed until 12. I was going to try and do lunch today with the conference, the VIP’s, but I’m just too tired.
Besides, I need to get ready for the school week ahead. My local paper is coming for an interview tomorrow. I’m so exhausted I need to manage my energy or I may get even sicker. One thing I’ve learned over the past few months is that the more tired I am, the sicker I am. And this can last for days.
I used to be so proud of how I could push through almost anything. This illness, and more importantly the treatment, has taught me not to push any more. I’m sure there will be a great life lesson in this somewhere.
I’m really keen to get through the really dark parts of the chemotherapy so I can truly begin to rebuild. I’m excited because this time once I get past the really bad part of chemo, I won’t be having another treatment to pull me back down again. That’s more exciting than I can put into words.
Today I have nausea, toxic hot diarrhoea, (what a pretty picture I am painting for you), headaches, bloating and such pain in my bones. Oh, plus the heat, this unrelenting heat.
I had a slightly better sleep but it’s still broken. Because my sleep is broken, I feel broken. But that can’t stop my excitement for today, today is my last chemo. I’m dreading it but I am also so excited.
It’s a really busy morning getting ready for the last chemotherapy plus the training conference that I’m attending today. I’m trying to get the family ready for Marc and I being away. I’m also on the phone trying to coordinate my upcoming surgery. I have the second mastectomy and reconstruction on the 5th May. I am also trying to have my ovaries removed at the same time. I’m doing it this way to minimise the amount of general anaesthetic that I have.
There’s a bunch of research that shows just how toxic the anaesthetic is and how it shortens your life. So far I’m shortened by about 15 years if you go by that theory!!! Nice huh? Lucky I was planning to live past 100 anyways……
I’m seeing some specialists next week to discuss the details of upcoming surgeries and work out a plan. It is very hard to co ordinate to have 2 different surgeons work on you at the same time.
We arrived for the chemo and I need to slow down, I need to get my head in to gear for what’s about to happen. The mind set you go in to it with is critical. I need to focus on positive, healing and strength.
Marc and I are in the swing of things now, we have activities to do, the right food too and we also make a video diary as well. We got some great pics of the staff all protected from the toxic stuff. I still feel nauseous and I have a fuzzy head, but otherwise I’m okay. I’m glad to say I will not miss this place.