Bald Barren And Boobless

An honest and comical reflection of my journey through breast cancer

Author: Kylie Warry (page 6 of 7)

The needling begins….

September 10, 2014 / / 0 Comments

acupuncture

Friday 20th December

Today is my first session with Amanda for acupuncture. I have had acupuncture before. My body responds well to it.

“So what is it?” I hear you say….   Acupuncture involves inserting fine needles into specific points on the skin – or applying various other techniques to the acupuncture points – to restore balance and encourage the body to heal itself. Scientific studies have shown the potential for acupuncture to be effective in treating many disorders. Acupuncture is effective and safe when performed by a skilled practitioner. Source (Better Health Channel Victoria, November 2011)

The first time I had acupuncture was when I was pregnant with my son Samuel. At the time I was under extreme stress, my first Husband was an alcoholic and drinking like a fish, I was working to support the family, my father was diagnosed with cancer and at the time he was caring for my mum who was chronically unwell with the outcomes of years of metastasised breast cancer.

It was an amazingly stressful time. I was about midway through my pregnancy and my blood pressure was too high. Funny that! I was determined to have my baby naturally so when I was told I may need to be admitted to hospital for the last weeks of the pregnancy I asked what I could do to help myself.

I was told acupuncture may help and I found a lady in the Blue Mountains who agreed to help me. I had 4 sessions, each time I would arrive with my BP at 145/95 or something similar and 45 minutes later I would sail out Zhen like with a reading of 110/70 and this would last for 3-4 days. It was amazing.

The second time I tried it was soon after I married the wonderful Marc and moved to Inner South Sydney. After an old back injury came back I saw a local physiotherapist who uses acupuncture in his practice. I had back spasms that normally took up to 10 physiotherapy sessions to steel, he sorted me in 2 with acupuncture.

So in short, if you haven’t tried it and you are open, have a go! It has been an amazing addition to my wellbeing toolkit. Just in case you are freaked out by needles, it is not like having an injection, the needles are as fine as hairs and do not hurt.

I meet Amanda from Sydney Integrative Medicine, who is lovely. She takes my history and tells me she has just been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s of the thyroidalso wow! She explains that the acupuncture will help my liver cope with the toxins ( surgery, drugs, chemotherapy)  from surgery and treatment, will help my digestive system, and my kidneys function optimally. It will also help me to relax and manage the enormous emotional and physical changes I have been through.

She puts needles literally everywhere, as she does this she explains what each point is for. This I love – I am an information freak. I then lay there for 20 minutes relaxing and allowing the needles to do their work.

The first needles were to relax me and were in my side. I felt immediately like I had had 2 glasses of wine, it was amazing. Teach me that one! I would love to do that whenever required, perhaps a permanent needle implant there would be great.

After the session I feel relaxed, balanced and empowered. I learned a lot, Amanda is very gentle and wise and I feel like she will teach me many things over coming weeks and months.

I will see her again after chemo which starts in about 2 weeks and then probably weekly after that. My next appointment is made for day 5 after chemo begins.

Can I encourage you; if you know of anyone who is going through treatment for cancer, anyone going through chronic illness, anyone coping with ill health or chronic pain, please share this blog, or what you have read about acupuncture. Seriously, it has made such a difference for me and I would hate to think of someone missing out who could benefit. We all deserve to feel the best we can, and to be able to make informed decisions about our own health management.

The hardest thing about cancer is that the treatment can be worse than the disease at times, and at least complimentary medicine supports your body to heal and for you to feel stronger and almost human again.

 

 

 

 

It’s so complimentary

September 8, 2014 / / 0 Comments

change quote20th December 2014

It’s the 20th of December and with the crazy spin our lives have taken we have not even thought about Christmas.  No matter – we have 4 days, it’s all good!  Marc and I madly start to do Christmas preparation and shopping.  Anyone who knows me knows that I love to make quick decisions so this works for me.  We got o a large shopping centre and go nuts!  As much as a slow moving one boobed woman can.  In my mind I am moving much faster and smoother.

I am still so bloody sore it is driving me nuts.  I still have the seroma (swelling at the surgical site) and the worst of it is right where the bra elastic sits, so no matter what it is really uncomfortable.  Only a few days ago I was struggling with the desire to “fit in” and to wear my prosthesis.  No more baby, stuff the weird looks I’m in too much pain!   I get pretty comfy with going bra less.   AND more importantly ignoring the weird looks from insensitive or inquisitive people.

Marc and I see the Naturopath Theresa today.  She works at the same clinic that my lovely GP works.  For anyone wanting to know about this clinic it is called Sydney Integrative Medicine. Check out the resources page on this blog site to go to their website.

The blessing about this for me is not only will my GP and naturopath communicate and work together, they have access to each others notes.  It’s awesome.

Therese is great, she is switched on, caring and a cancer survivor herself.  She changes my supplements and says my diet needs to change substantially.

I need to avoid dairy, wheat, caffeine and sugar as they all feed cancer either directly or through increases in insulin.  Insulin is a growth factor so that means any circulating insulin will cause any single cancer cells in my system to grow.  Sugar, is what they use in MRI scans to show where cancer is as it feeds on the sugar and lights up like a Christmas tree.  No thank you Ma’am, that’s not what I want!

I need to eat green, fresh, variety and get my body more alkaline.  Having an alkaline body means that cancer cannot grow – bring it on!  She gives me supplements to take to help cope with chemo and its awful toxicity.  I feel like I understand and have a real plan.  She also says I need to lose 10kgs.  Any extra weight is a place where your body manufactures estrogen.  So I need to be lean.

Therese suggests acupuncture to help me cope with the side effects of treatment, stress, pain etc. I’ve had this therapy before and it works wonders for me, so I book into to see an acupuncture therapist they can do wonders during chemo.

She asked how I am doing emotionally, I explain that I feel quite numb at the moment and am wondering when I will “feel something”.  She explained that she is a cancer survivor too and that after a diagnosis there is at least a 6 week window where you function and it does not feel like anything, then after 6 weeks it can hit and you then need to come to terms with it.

Because of this process she recommended that I have some counselling.  She recommended a psychologist great with grief and such diagnosis experiences who is also a cancer survivor.  I agree to book in with him.  I leave feeling empowered and resourced.  More importantly I feel heard!  I feel that there are aspects of this crazy journey that I can actually have some management over.  Now that is an amazingly comforting feeling.

I have felt completely out of control since this started, actually for years before my diagnosis when I was feeling like crap and stressed out.  Slowly my world began to spin out of control, I tried everything I knew how to do to help, but nothing worked.  Hopefully with the help of counselling and hindsight I can learn from this experience and see where things went pear shaped.

That afternoon one of my oldest friends comes to visit.  We were roomies at University and lived together for more than 3 years.  He is now a Dad and lives south of Sydney with his beautiful family.  We have always remained in touch but he has been really supportive since I told him what’s going on.  More supportive and caring than many of my closest girlfriends.  This really surprised me!

One thing this journey really helps you determine your friends and who does the hard yards with you.  I don’t hold any grudges or hurt toward those who fell silent, its not an easy journey to do and many people just don’t know what to say.

One thing this has really shown me is to show up, let someone know you care and that you are there for them.  If you don’t know what to say, say that, but show up

Shaving down for battle

September 6, 2014 / / 2 Comments

safety_razor

Wednesday the 18th December 2013

It’s my day to go to the hairdresser.  A sweet piece of normality.  After years of struggle to find a good hairdresser, one that cares, that wants to know me and my needs, that is not into the hair “up sell.” That’s Luisa.  I found her through my sister in law and she is just great. She works on the basis that it is a small boutique salon where you are always the only client! It’s so personal and private I love it.

She is honest, about my crowning glory or not. I have always had fine hair with far too many cowlicks, but she is great, she shows me ways to make it do what I would like within reason. If I pick a picture and say I want that she gently brings me back to earth.

I book in ahead each time my hair is done so I had this appointment booked in for 7 weeks. So since the last appointment I have been diagnosed with breast cancer and had the right mastectomy. Without any planning or foresight.

So I walk in and sit and she says “so how have you been?” I take a slow deep breath and say “well a fair bit has happened since I last saw you.”  She looks at me puzzled but realises something big has happened.  I tell her “I have breast cancer and have had a mastectomy 3 weeks ago.”  I planned on keeping it together but of course I did not and consequently I ugly cry all over her.  She cries with me, we hug, and then when we can speak I answer all of her questions.

I explain that I have been recommended chemotherapy and that I will definitely lose my hair so I would like it cut short in preparation.   So we look at some pictures and I explain what I want, she cuts my hair really short and I love it!!!

I asked her if I can come to her when I need to shave my head?  She is so supportive and says “of course.”  I had read of some women trying to make losing their hair as gentle as possible so they arranged to have champagne, food and their best girlfriends and to make it as special as they can.  You see there is something about losing your hair that many men don’t get.

Your hair is not often seen as particularly feminine but it really is. Perhaps less so for me, because I have never really had that amazing head of hair, I’ve just had hair. However, the prospect of being as bald as a badger makes me feel somewhat challenged, and certainly less feminine or beautiful.

Marc wants me to let him do the shaving, he has the shaver and does his own scone every few weeks. But I think I want it to be feminine, gentle and safe in case I lose it all together.  Even if you are a woman like me who has never had luscious locks, it is still a large part of me as a woman.

Luisa is so open to this option and we begin to strategise.  I explain that I have been told that my hair will fall out anywhere between 14-21 days after chemo starts, there is little warning it just comes out like it was never attached. Luisa says “call me whenever”, I agree and I leave with my sharp new hair do and my hairdresser on speed dial.

 

Life begins to move on

September 3, 2014 / / 0 Comments

road w quote

After the Oncologist, my big sister arrives for a bit over a week. Her and her Husband fly in from interstate. This trip was planned before the diagnosis; we don’t get to see each other often so I did not wish to change it.

My big sister has many health problems of her own, she has been to hell and back and this continues on a daily basis. She is resilient and takes each day as it comes. Her husband is an amazing support and they have the most wonderful relationship. They have been married and divorced before and finally found each other. It is so lovely to see how they do married life together.

It is hard for all of my sisters having me diagnosed with breast cancer I don’t think anyone expected the youngest sister to be diagnosed. It brings up all of the questions around genetics and family history. It makes each of them think, “will it happen to me, when will my body defy me?” We don’t have great genes honestly. Cancer, heart disease, weird blood disorders. But in our favour we are strong and resilient.

We spend lots of time sitting about talking and reminiscing. My sister closest in age to me stays for the week to see her big sister too, and to help out me after surgery. So we laugh, we cry, we talk, we disagree, it is a big week.

It has been an interesting journey for my big sister as her illness is obvious as she is on oxygen 24 hours per day. She also needs to use a walker or wheel chair to be mobile as she is so weak and is so much pain. She cannot avoid but explain what is going on with her health.

However, for the moment I have blessed anonymity, which I am treasuring. Soon enough I will be ‘bald, barren and boobless’ and obviously look like something is not right so I will have ‘the looks’, the inevitable questions. So for now I am not keen to even bring up my health with people outside the inner circle.

As we catch up with some distant family members over the week, my sister talks about her health and is quite puzzled when I don’t bring mine up. Again it’s me making the most of this window of opportunity when my health does not need to be the foremost topic of conversation.

Particularly when you don’t know how different people respond. Some are supportive and encouraging (excellent!), while others can be fear mongering, can blame you and then of course there’s those who open with “oh yeah I knew someone who died from that last month.” That’s always a helpful conversation. No I don’t have enough of my own fear and doubts that I wrestle with every moment, please give me more!  Once I explain to my big sister why I don’t wish to tell people she understands, again different people different journey.

It’s a full week, my second oldest sister visits from the Hunter Valley, which is lovely. I haven’t seen her since the mastectomy. She is my sister who has also had Breast cancer, so I feel like she understands so much more. She’s been there, she knows the “what if’s” the mind games we play, the pain, the body image issues, the grieving for normality, the realisation of ones own mortality.

So it has been a big week, I am slowly recovering, the pain is lessening, I still cannot wear a bra with my soft form prosthesis for long. It’s just too painful. If we go out in public and I feel the need to wear a bra, I almost rip my bra off when I get home. Oh the sweet relief when I do that.

It makes me angry that I feel the need to conform and wear my prosthesis in public. But then again without it I get the looks and questions. I don’t want to have to deal with that, I am still coming to terms with what this means for me. I am sure it will all become easier in time.

 

Kylie’s first Oncology visit

September 1, 2014 / / 0 Comments

Right Decision, Wrong Decision Road Sign Monday 9th december

I wake up and think I have a seroma. This is the collection of too much fluid in the cavity where your breast tissue once was.   It is a very sad replacement for my breast that is for sure.  It is quite sore and swollen and when I move from side to side it sloshes in my chest. It literally sounds like a hot water bottle being sloshed. How disgusting!  I call the breast care nurse, she says “yeah call the doctor.”

Today I also have my first appointment with my Oncologist.  This is one medical professional I never thought I would say I have.  “I’m seeing my oncologist today.”  I’d much rather be saying Beautician or even Gynaecologist!!

Marc is still away in South Australia so my sister is coming with me. If you read about chronic illness you should always take someone with you to the Doctor. Just to offer support and make sure you ask all of your questions and understand the responses.

Because of the seroma, I call my Breast Surgeon and they ask me to come after the Oncologist. We arrive at the Hospital and my Oncologist is running 45 minutes late, so I think, lets scoot up to the breast surgeon and see if he can fit me in now. This is one part of my nature that I need to explain; I hate waiting around. I love to do things in the most effective way possible. So rather than wait for 45 mins I think let’s get this seroma sorted.

The breast surgeon can see me now, which is great. He says “you do have a seroma but it is not that big.”  “Oh I’m sorry.” I think,  “I did realise it was a competition!”  When I am upright it is very swollen, sore and downright ugly.  When I lay down the fluid disappears.  Not unlike our ageing breast hey girls…..

I ask him to drain it while I am sitting, he won’t do it in case I faint. Personally, I would rather be upright and know all the fluid is gone than lie down and be told there is hardly any fluid there.

So, he makes me lie down and then he says “it is not that big but I will drain it anyway.”   My blood pressure rises in line with my frustration and related directly to my feeling of being a pain in his butt.  He gets a whopping great needle and sticks it into my chest to drain the fluid.  He gets 50 mls and says “see I told you it was not much.”

His mannerisms and tone have such a way of making me feel like a real whiner. I am feeling so uncomfortable and in pain and he was so understanding before the mastectomy, but since he lopped off the boob its like “stop whining please, what more do you expect me to do?”

We leave the breast surgeon, somewhat deflated ( hah hah) and go to the Oncologist with my sister as planned. I am a little nervous, as I am not sure what is ahead.

The Oncologist is lovely, she is my age, down to earth, open to my questions, gentle, supportive, but strong. She says because I had 2 tumors of different grades in one breast and there was lymph node involvement.   I need chemotherapy, then the ovaries stopped and Tamoxifen. This is because the cancer is driven to grow by my female hormones oestrogen and progesterone.

All I hear is chemo! Wow, I did not expect this. She also says that I will definitely lose my hair, due to the type of chemotherapy used. She says I can have my ovaries removed or have my ovaries chemically halted.

Me being Miss efficiency thinks that when I get the second mastectomy and reconstruction in about April 2014, I will plan to have my ovaries removed.  Thats typical me, lets make a list and get it done.

I only need 4 rounds of chemo at this stage, ( I am so lucky compared to many) she says let’s give you Christmas off, allow you to heal from surgery and you can start in early January. Woohoo! I get Christmas off.

It’s funny how stress brings out the best and worst in you, I turn into little miss practical planner, and who knows that a journey like cancer doesn’t always let you play this type of game.

How do I feel?? I don’t know – numb is a great word, I just go into problem solving mode, I’m good at that. I need a blood test as a base line before chemo starts, I go down to the oncology centre to book in for the 3rd of January 2014.  It is very interesting walking into an oncology department.  I’ve never seen so many posters for wig manufacturers and scarves.  The staff also say, you can have Christmas off. Funny, they have the same idea. I don’t feel like it’s a good thing, I sort of want to get into it.

My sister and I go to lunch to digest the information form this morning. She is really supportive but I think she wishes I didn’t say “yes” to chemo. I think that she wishes I would go the complete natural route. I just feel like I need to use the best of both worlds. Use the chemo but use complimentary medicine to support and strengthen my body. The idea that a single cancer cell is roaming my body makes me want to obliterate it and just get as strong as possible.  There is still so much I want and need to do with my life.

Even though I sense that my sister would like me to take a different path, I don’t feel any pressure for her, just love and support. We are both very aware that each journey like this is so individual.

So now I need to tell my family what is ahead and let young Sam know that I will be needing that cool beanie after all…

How important is faith?

August 28, 2014 / / 0 Comments

faith 1 Faith is such an interesting word. It means “Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing. Or, a belief that does not rest on logical proof or material.

Now we all believe in something, whether it is ourselves, the medical system, our partners, friends or family and God or other spiritual belief systems. So you may believe;

“ I have cancer therefore I am going to die from it”.

” I will never get cancer ”

“ The Oncologist and medicine will cure me”

“ My family will always be there for me;” and many more varieties.

For me from the very beginning of being told I had cancer I felt no fear. Now this is a big thing, the idea of getting cancer before this has hands down been my single biggest fear.

However, sitting in front of the specialist and being told I had cancer I felt absolutely no fear. Sadness, loss, and confusion yes, but no fear! I am so amazed by this. However my faith always amazes me.

Now if you do not have a faith in God, please don’t leave me here. I am not a weirdo, but I do have a very close relationship with God aka Jesus. I only came to have this relationship around 10 years ago. I was not born into a Christian family and found this relationship whilst searching for what was missing for me, as an adult after my son was born.

Don’t worry, I am not preaching just filling in some background detail so you understand my perspective. I believe that God has a plan and purpose for my life (and for all of our lives). From the moment this diagnosis was thrust upon me I felt so strongly, “this will not take my life.” I honestly felt Protected by God. I don’t mean that He healed me instantly, but that by trusting Him, He will show me the way and that I am not on my own.

So for me, I put my faith in God, and I believe that I will be ok. Now for me this means that I still get treatment from Doctors and the medical system and that I support my body with complimentary medicine and healthy lifestyle. Through this journey I believe I will be ok.

So, answering my own question, faith is very important but just as important is knowing who or what you put your faith in. So no judgment either way, this journey is such a personal one, but I really feel compelled to share my journey with whoever is willing to read or listen. It is such a powerful question isn’t it, where, what and who do you put your faith in?

 

 

It’s all too draining

August 27, 2014 / / 0 Comments

quotes1Saturday  7th  December

Marc and Monica go to South Australia for the weekend. I am home with Sam for the weekend, I thought no problem I won’t be doing much. On the first morning that they are away I am innocently in the bathroom having a wash.

All of a sudden I notice that there is a strange sound. As I am standing there I notice that the length of drain that was inside my chest has fallen onto the floor! I didn’t really feel anything. But I am looking at this thin king “now what do I do?”

I guess it wants to come out; I am not sure what to do? I call my sister who is a medical professional, she is always great for advice, she does not answer, Marc is in mid air, I can’t put it back in, I decide to call the nurse. They say they will be there asap, they come 2 hours later. I have put a dressing over the top as it is oozing, lovely!

I am skipping about the house as much as a one boobed sore woman can skip, trying not to panic. I am sure I look like an epileptic cockroach. Oh well Sam is sleeping in so there in no audience.

The nurse arrives, she is calm so then I begin to calm down too. The drain is out, the dressing is removed from my chest. I must say it is freaking me out, the scar is healing well but it looks like the 2 edges of skin are just resting together and can open any time. I begin to have these visions of the flesh parting, it’s horrible.

My wound is so sore, I thought they said when the drain comes out I will feel better I am just as sore if not sorer. It may be due to all of my jumping about previously in a panic.  With time, as the drain pain lessens, I can move a bit more freely without the bag attached to me.  I no longer look like a lost librarian with my shoulder bag.  I feel like I am beginning to make some progress.  Yippee!

 

 

My first post surgery check

August 25, 2014 / / 0 Comments

bottled_up_emotions_by_photog_roadThursday 5th December

I am due for my post surgical review with my breast surgeon today. The warm caring man pre surgery seems to be MIA today and I am faced with a very curt business like man, who doesn’t seem to give a crap.

He looks at drain says “it’s ok but you need antibiotics”. He says “You are healing well and your pathology was inconclusive, there was some lymph node involvement but we have decided to take a conservative approach” – This does not sit well with me, so the cancer travelled?  How long do I wait?  All of these fear driven thoughts are invading my mind with such speed I can’t stop them.  He says “best case scenario, treatment will just be tablet, and they need to shut down my ovaries”.  Oh cool, that sounds hunky dory.  Awesome, what was I afraid of……

The completely frustrating thing is I know that this means.  This means Tamoxifen and my Mum was on this, each time she stopped taking it, on doctors orders her cancer would come back stronger than ever….   This drug frightens the crap out of me. I hated this drug for years.  Each time my Mum’s cancer came back with a vengeance. I also know that this means ”hello menopause” and this is scary for me too, I am 41, I’m not ready for this. But from his mouth, “just take a pill you’ll be fine.”  He does not even mention the menopause word, I think this is so wrong.

As a woman how am I meant to prepare and decide what is best for me when I am not being told all of the information?  The consequences of each treatment regime should be fully explained, and if not by him then he should be saying that this person will fully explain this for me. But nope, “just pop a pill darl you’ll be right!”

I ask some questions about my scars, he says “what are you worried about, this will all be ripped apart and redone when you have the reconstruction,” and then he adds “are you still persisting with the other breast removal?”  I try to remain calm but I want to rip his head off.

Persisting! You tell me the cancer has travelled, you tell me you have decided to take a conservative approach, then you have the hide to ask me if I am going to take up your precious time with the removal of my other breast!  Only after both my Mum and sister had cancer come back in the other breast????  I need to take some slow deep breathes so I don’t lose it.

I explain to him that I will be persisting with a double mastectomy as soon as I have been given the clearance to do so. I pray to myself that I will hopefully feel more heard by the oncologist in a few days.

I leave feeling frustrated, worried and angry. Why do these doctors minimize this experience, he is effectively removing cutting or chemically killing all of the things that make me a woman and I should be happy?????

As I leave I ask to pay for today as every appointment costs, she says “oh this consult was free, but here is the gap”, she gives me an invoice for $2000 and says “can you pay now?”  Sorry lovely I have not worked for a month or more and there is no money like this lying around in my account. I ask to make a direct deposit when I get home, she is not happy but agrees.

I am to see the oncologist on Monday the 9th, it is a woman, this gives me some relief, perhaps I will feel a little more understood. I get home and am so angry I don’t know what to do with myself, I can’t express it in words, I want to run but I am far too sore.  Aha, chocolate!

 

Adjustment, my new favourite word…..

August 21, 2014 / / 0 Comments

hands-held-tight

Monday the 2nd December 2013

I am home, which is so nice but also weird. I am such a carer, I like to look after people, so being in the reversed role is not easy. I know it is a gift for others to allow them to care for me and that it is selfish to not share that role. So I am trying.

I remember when my Mum was in the final stages of her disease and the cancer had progressed to her bones and organs she needed 24 hour care. As a family we all rallied as much as we could and looked after her at home. Well, to be specific she moved in with one of my sisters and we did our best to support my sister. Obviously, most of the care fell on this one sister, until mum was in the final stages and we were all there together.

My Mum fought this care, she too was a carer and she did not allow us to care for her. This broke most of our hearts, as we just wanted so desperately to care for her as she has so lovingly cared for us growing up. She struggled and in many ways became frustrated, as she was less able to do things for herself.   This translated into so much tension for her as we tried desperately to love and look after her. Fighting about something like this was the last thing any of us needed.

So seeing this battle and feeling it on the receiving end, I do not want to be the same I want to allow others to care for me when I need it. It is not easy it does not come naturally to me at all. I learned from my Mum to care for others, not to receive.  She taught me well, actually she taught all of her girls well.

My Mum would not ever ask for help, she walked on a fractured hip for weeks before the Doctor would even Xray it for her. I remember him saying to her, “if it was broken there is no way you’d be walking!”   He did not know my Mum hey!

So I am adjusting to asking for help, even getting out of the chair is hard; my chest is just so sore. The unexpected pain is the drain site. The drain is through my chest and into the space where the tissue was removed from my breast. There is about 0.5 cm of tubing wound up and around my chest. There is a bag attached and each day a Community Nurse comes and measure the fluid makes sure there is no infection and drains the bag.

The drain it self is so sore at the site of the entry into my chest. The nurses refer to it as “drain pain.” Apparently at times the drain can push on or aggravate nerves, this causes a burning pain that is hard to describe. This is the worst part so far, it is so painful there are times where I am afraid to move because it is like a hot knife in my side. They say it will be in for at least 2 weeks – too much fun!

I am propped up in bed at night unable to sleep well; I am a stomach or side sleeper so this is not acceptable. When I do sleep it is due to pure exhaustion. Sleeping pills anyone? I have a few to play with, most of them get me to sleep but I wake up at inhumane hours and then watch night time TV, which is scary.

I have woken poor Marc so excited about steam mops and all kinds of gadgets, selling him all of the benefits that have been drummed into my subconscious through the wee hours. You are so vulnerable at this time of day! Marc is thinking, “hide the credit cards!!”

It’s quite worrying really, how many people fall prey to this unrelenting marketing when they are at their weakest. Perhaps I should start a group called “Home shoppers anonymous” “Hi My name is Kylie, I shop at 2am from my darkened bedroom whilst wearing a snuggy purchased through this very shopping method.”

Surely I am not alone, am I?

 

 

It’s all about dignity

August 19, 2014 / / 0 Comments

dignity 2Saturday the 30th November 2013

I get to go home today! That’s quick huh? I thought so. I haven’t seen anyone yet about my prosthesis so I am waiting eagerly for them to come and fit me out.

No one comes and I eventually ask the nurse, “So when to I get my prosthesis? “ She looks at me like I am dumb and says, “You’re not, it’s Saturday they don’t work on Saturday!” Again I am dumbfounded, you could have pushed me over with a feather except I am in bed.

I am so shocked and upset I don’t even argue I just become so overwhelmed at the injustice of it. How dare they promise me a support then not get it to me because of a day of the week, I mean how hard is it?

I am about to be released into the world looking like a one boobed freak and I can’t do anything about it. There is something about a woman with one breast, it is extremely noticeable, I mean I am a D cup so it looks ridiculous, and that’s not even that big.

Marc arrived with his biggest warmest smile on ready to take me home when he sees my face. He asks “what is wrong?” and I explain, he is so supportive and says “no one will notice babe.” But that’s not the point, I don’t feel comfortable, that’s the point, this is about me and how I feel.  “I notice!”

I realise after a few tears that this needs to stop because nothing is going to change. So I get my brave on and decide to hold a flower arrangement strategically where my boob used to be. PERFECT!!

This is not the last of this though, I wonder how many other women have been sent home like me? I am sure I am not the only one, this has to stop, even if I have to change it myself. Surely it is not that hard to send a woman home with dignity?

So I walk down to the car, very gingerly, I am very sore and it is amazing how much the jarring motion of walking sends shock waves through my weirdly unbalanced chest.   Am also sent home with a drain in my chest. This should be in place for perhaps 2 weeks and then will be able to come out. It is to prevent a seroma or fluid build up at the surgical site.  So I have a bag that sits permanently on my shoulder holding the drain that comes form my chest.  I look like I spend a bit of time at the library.

So home sweet home here we come, minus my boob 🙁

 

« Older posts Newer posts »

Recent Posts

Recent Comments

Archives

Categories

Meta

© 2024 Bald Barren And Boobless

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑