This morning I was optimistic, I babysat my baby niece Eliza.  It was lovely to spend some time with her.  Thank goodness she’s not running around just yet so I can keep up.  After Eliza went home I had lunch with my sister.  It was a lovely catch up but I need a Nanna nap.

I saw my gynaecologist today and was told that I can’t have my ovaries removed at the same time as my breast surgery.  This really throws a spanner in the works as I really don’t want has too many general anaesthetics.  I need some direction from my doctors.  I refuse to panic. I’ve come too far to let panic take over now.  So Lord I give this to you and I know that you have it in your hands.

I’m really tired now and seek out my mattress to rest.  I wasn’t lying down too long before the kids came home from school.  Then the afternoon ritual begins, it’s not a huge amount but when you are operating on empty, sometimes even breathing seems too hard.  It’s about checking how the kid’s days were, considering what I will cook for dinner, working out what washing needs to be done and encouraging home work to be done.

By bedtime I am so achy and tired.  I’m so desperate to sleep that my good friends – Endone and Valium will be necessary.  So many decisions, so little energy to make them, some days everything seems too hard. I’m sure things will feel brighter in the morning.