toxin symbolIt may seem tedious but I am committed to keeping a daily journal through treatment as it helps me to manage symptoms, cycles and to plan ahead. If you or someone you know is going through a similar thing it can really help to identify patterns, discuss symptoms with their health team and help them to cope through forward planning. For example if you learn that days 2-8 are your worst then plan to look after yourself and rest as much as you can during those days.

I was told to expect days 2-7 to be the worst when it would slowly pick up until I felt good and was due for the next treatment. I’m also keen to count at this stage so I know when to expect that my hair may fall out.

I’m such a planner I want to know roughly when so that I am not like in public and suddenly my hair falls around my feet. You would not know the crap that goes on in my head. Imagine your hair just falling from your head all at once. I have – vividly!

So day 2, I woke through the night at 1230am, 130am, 330am, thinking I needed the loo due to my threatening bowel, each time was a complete false alarm. I’m up for the 8am church service. I feel like crap literally, but I need to go and seek the presence and peace of my God.

My head is fuzzy and achy. My tummy is percolating and I am not sure if I can eat, but I know I need too. I feel weak and shaky. I have tingling in my fingers and toes and my hands and feet are really hot. I also have this weird ache in each of my teeth like they may fall out, not nice at all.

I feel like have had the stuffing knocked out of me. I took Maxillon to help with the nausea and took it easy after church. It is Marc’s Fathers Birthday today so we go and see him for a birthday lunch. I didn’t cope too well but it was really important that we spend time with him.

Once I get home I hit the wall and go back to bed. I toss and turn as I am not able to get comfortable. I have really strong back and hip pain. It feels like it is right inside the bones. My tummy remains really upset and bloated.

I have been well prepped by the Hospital staff as to how to protect the family from me. For example, when I use the toilet I am to flush at least twice and wipe down the seat. I am not to share cutlery, crockery or toothbrushes. If Marc and I were to be intimate, we need to use condoms to protect him from how toxic I am.  Now that is scary stuff.

It just blows me away that I have subjected my body to such toxic stuff, but to be honest I don’t feel like I have a choice. If it were just me then I may feel more like playing roulette – You know see if totally natural and complimentary work, or just have surgery and go it alone BUT  I need to ensure I am around for my beautiful son Sam, as a birth parent I am all he has.