bday photoSo today is my birthday, happy birthday to me. I had a broken sleep, the nausea is better, to the point where I can get to church, Yay!

We came home and I fell into bed, nausea is worse. One thing I have noticed is that when I get tired all of the symptoms get worse too. A fellow warrior taught me this. She said rest often because when you are tired everything is worse. She is right.

We went to movies this afternoon, it was the best compromise of doing something but not too exhausting. I am sooo sick. Someone offered me a malteser and it tasted so bad. Love the chemo metallic taste over all you eat. Serve me right shouldn’t be eating sugar anyways.

We came home and had dinner, Risotto and a gelato cake from Messina ( if you have not heard of this place check it out here ). The most amazing cakes I have ever tried, truly inspiring. I recommend them when not on chemo, for maximum benefit.  I got the magic mushroom cake – it was amazing.  Gentle on the way back up too.

I look at this picture now and think I look pretty ok, this is just before I lost dinner and my cake. Unfortunately for me, they both went straight through. Lost it from both ends so double whammy for me, happy birthday bonus! I do think however that my idea of having no expectations was much better for me. It is so tricky I know. How can anyone live up to the expectations of a mother who is no longer with me but is forever immortalised in my memories.  I do my birthday with the ghost of birthdays past both great ad awful 🙁

I missed my pain meds today to so my pain is at an all time high. My bones and joints aching beyond description. I have a headache, that is fuzzy and buzzing. It is as though the toxins are raging through every cell, which I suppose they are. I have this tremendous ache in my lower back, kidney area, my hips and knees are so sore, it’s almost unbearable. I dose up and head to bed, sleep please, I pray for unconsciousness. Birthday Smirthday, bah humbug.