Bald Barren And Boobless

An honest and comical reflection of my journey through breast cancer

Tag: laughter

Rainy Days…..

rainy days
I had a good sleep.  As I wake I realise it’s a beautiful rainy Saturday.  I love those days where you don’t have to rush out of bed, and you know you can stay in it to warm to and enjoy the day.

Marc is at work this morning.  I get out of bed, finally, and start pottering about.  I take Sam to the shops and run errands.  When I get home I’m completely exhausted.  I feel so overwhelmed, and then get really snappy with Marc.  I know this isn’t fair, and I’m really sorry.  He understands, as he usually does.  Man I am so blessed.

We have some lunch.  I decide to make a cake as our good friends are coming to visit this afternoon.  I made my famous wheat, dairy and sugar free chocolate cake.  I know you are saying, “What the heck has it got in it?”.  But trust me, it is beautiful.  One day I’ll share the recipe with you.

We had a lovely afternoon catching up with our friends, which was great.  Since I got sick so many friends have stayed away, yet many have stepped up and ensured that we stay connected.  I really appreciate this.

I don’t blame anyone, many people struggle to know what to say and how to be around someone when they are sick.  Can I just encourage you though, it is so much better to say how you feel and support them anyway.  Otherwise chronic illness is a very lonely place.

Sam goes to a friend’s house for a sleepover, Marc and I have a lovely dinner together and watch a movie.  We decide on a comedy, there’s too much seriousness in our life at the moment.

We laugh ourselves silly until our tummies  hurt.  It’s just so fun to let go, forget whatever’s happening in your own life, and laugh.  It was such a lovely night.  They do say the simple things……

Laughter is such great medicine

laugh or cryI felt better today when I woke up, thank goodness the Truck had not run me over again! I am excited as I am meeting one of my best girlfriends for lunch and a movie today. We saw an action movie, I fell asleep half way through, sad but hey under the circumstances I suppose it is understandable.I felt better today when I woke up, thank goodness the Truck had not run me over again! I am excited as I am meeting one of my best girlfriends for lunch and a movie today. We saw an action movie, I fell asleep half way through, sad but hey under the circumstances I suppose it is understandable.

We had such a great day laughing reminiscing and sharing. We have always had a relationship where we thrive on each other’s energy and ideas. She has the ideas, I follow through, it is a great balance.

Friends are just so important. I know before I was diagnosed with cancer and I was seeing a counsellor for some stress management support. She asked me what I did to have fun and I couldn’t answer her. My world had shrunk to work, managing family stuff and more work. I was struggling with a unhappy relationship with a loved one and I was really stressed.

My cup was empty and I just kept expecting myself to produce more. I am sure I was on empty for many years. This journey has been teaching me how important laughter, friendship and prioritising me is. All work and no fun made Kylie a very sick woman.

So if you are struggling with something, whether it is health or stress of some kind, take an honest look at your life, at what makes you feel good. Promise that you will do more. Fill your cup so you can be there and be fully present for others. Letting yourself become run down comes from a dysfunctional place of self importance, (everyone needs me.) In fact, what you are doing is the exact opposite. You are being really selfish because no one gets the best you.

What a Big Lesson for me!!

I came home and had a lovely dinner with my boys and we watched a silly movie. We laughed and laughed. I noticed my head and scalp feel really tingly and sore. I wonder if tomorrow will be ‘D’ Day or ‘B’ day. Only time will tell.

Sam has not been well since he came back from Summer camp. He has a fever and a headache. I asked him to come in through the night if he needs me.  I hope he isn’t coming down with something.  No matter how sick you are a Mum never switches off.  Makes me really miss my lovely Mum :(

 

A New Year dawns

sunrise & jettyIt’s the 31st of December 2103. Everyone except me goes to the beach and I go to my sister Gerri’s. We just hang out and talk and spend time it is really nice, we also go to lunch with some really close friends of hers. I just did not want to go to the beach with my wound still being so sore, the heat is just not compatible with how I feel, and I certainly wont be going near the water just yet.

So I have a lovely day with my sister Gerri, she is a cancer warrior herself and is an inspiration to me. She has had a double mastectomy and has not had reconstruction. We laugh together about the down side to prosthetics. No matter what you do or how you do it they wander. I am sure when I wear mine it has a goal to be a shoulder pad, it always works its way up my chest to the wrong place.

My sister laughs and talks about how hers usually work themselves together into the middle of her chest, still not a good look! At least we can laugh hey!

New Years Eve comes and goes; it feels so surreal. I’ve never been a real fan of NYE, I am the sort of person that believes when you need to change just do it, don’t wait until a new year comes along think of all the time you’ve wasted!

We spend New Years Eve with my family. The kids have a ball, the adults sit and drink, reminisce, laugh and then as soon as midnight strikes we head home completely stuffed!!! I just have no energy at the moment.

I wake at 3am in our friends house having the most incredible night sweat that I can hardly breathe. I get up; go to the loo, splash water on my face and then curl up in the lounge room where it is a little cooler. They have air con but it is ducted and they don’t have it on so I don’t want to turn it on. I lay out in the dark lounge room for hours until I can go back to bed.

Eventually morning comes and Marc wakes up. He reminds me that I need to start taking the Dex (dexamphetamine) in preparation  for the chemo. It hits me, “SHIT chemo starts in 2 days.” Oh man, it didn’t feel real until right now.

I take the dex and a few other supplements I need to begin to take and I am feeling really emotional, like “stop I want to get off, but I can’t. I go and have a cry our friend comes in and spends time with me. She reminds me that no matter what – my mind cannot be touched. My body can be cut and poisoned, but my mind is mine. I can spend time with God, I can focus on whatever I choose too and it will be ok. What a powerful reminder!

We decide to head back home today in the afternoon so we have two sleeps at home before treatment starts. The trip home is peaceful; we are both in our own heads thinking, wondering, “what if” ing.  It is nice to be home in our own bed.  There is some type of unspoken security about your own bed.