I slept better, excellent start! Although I feel so empty, the tank is not only empty but there is both dust and cobwebs in there. I have nothing in my calendar or diary today so bed seems like an awesome option.
I am really fighting with myself. I am craving carbs, I have noticed I do this whenever I feel so low in energy, it is such a hard thing to fight. I have no fight in me for a start so pasta, bread, sugar all of those wicked quick surge, bad for me foods are all I want 🙁
I have decided to just go with the flow during chemo, it is hard enough getting through each day without placing some unrealistic expectation on myself to eat things my body is repelling. I am eating well when I can and supplementing each day so I will get through it. Funny it took me 3 months to work out I should just go with the flow.
So as you can imagine, today is not a great food day. I am self-medicating so to speak but not in a good way. The pain I have in my knees and hips is simply ridiculous. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am craving comfort food like a puppy craves a warm hug.
I’m battling those horrid thoughts of metastases in my bones with the aching. I know it’s a head game, but gosh it’s hard. Watching my Mum go through bone cancer, knowing I have the same disease, having such aching in my bones and joints, it really does mess with me.
I got a lovely heart lifting surprise today with a soft knock at the door waking me from a deep toxic sleep. When I open my front door, there is a beautiful bunch of flowers from my 4N family. These guys are the best. 4N is a small business networking group I have been a member of for 12 months. If you have never heard of them before check them out here.
I remember when I was first diagnosed I was called and asked what could they do? They offered to make phone calls, any paperwork, client calls. I was blown away. Apart from a few very close friends, no one else offered this and it meant so much to me.
In my efforts to be somewhat productive, I made a list of jobs I needed to get done. Funny, when I say needed, it is to fill this weird sense of showing my value. I have already confessed to how bad I feel and that I am going wight he flow yet I am cleaning things???? Don’t worry if you are confused too join the club with me.
So today I cleaned the plastics / storage container cupboard and also the pots and pans cupboard. Such a small job really, but so exhausting for me. I do feel better consciously for doing so but physically I am back on the mattress, nothing to give.
So after a rest, making dinner for the family, I am back in bed, exhausted needing sleep. I pray that I can sleep tonight and I am thankful, so thankful that tomorrow is a new day.