Bald Barren And Boobless

An honest and comical reflection of my journey through breast cancer

Running on empty

dog tiredI woke at 1am and was wide awake until 3am. It was a combination of being too hot (internally, hot flushes) and being in too much pain. I got up and walked around for a little while.

These wee hours of the morning can be such bliss and peace or the exact opposite so horribly quiet and lonely.  The time passes so bloody slowly and every bad feeling or emotion seems magnified.  I am always so glad when the sun rises fem these nights.

Today we had vision Sunday at church. This day is always so inspirational, it lies out the vision over our church for the next 12 months. The vision spoken over this year is a year of new beginnings. This could not be more true for me and my family.

So many things will be new this year, Sam is growing as a young man, Moni is doing the HSC. Me, well I am just trying to find my new normal. Marc is balancing so many things and being the rock for us all.  This year will hold many mysteries, many challenges, many opportunities and much growth.

Physically I am in less pain today but I am still dog tired. It is really hard to put into words the gravity of this tiredness. I still don’t really even understand it myself I just know I have no control over it.

Despite being so tired today was a big day. There was little rest, and many errands to be done. Anyone else reading this who has a family knows exactly what I mean. Today simple things like the ironing, the shopping, the washing, general organisational stuff all that needed to be done.

I know some of you reading this may be saying, “Why doesn’t someone else do it?” The simple answer to that is, “Who?” Yes, we have had so much support, it’s almost overwhelming. However, these people have lives to lead too. Additionally, one thing I’ve always struggled with is asking for help.

So this day may take its toll tomorrow only tomorrow will tell. I’m so desperately tired but I can’t sleep. At midnight I decide to take sleeping tablets I just need to sleep.

1 Comment

  1. I know that type of fatigue where you just cant do another thing. The tiredness makes you so sick and weak. I struggle with it because I cannot control it either. I have been dealing with it for many years. I admire what you can do even with the fatigue and pain. You are a courageous woman. It is really ok to ask for help. I find it hard as well but I am growing in this area. I will be thinking of you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*