I’m still having hot flushes but they are less frequent and less intense, they are still worse at night. This tells me that the Tamoxifen really contributes to the hot flushes. Since I have stopped it for surgery I can really see what it is doing to me. Josh goes home tonight, it always goes so fast. Marc misses him so much when he goes home. We all do, but it is very hard for him as a father….
I did Pilates again today. It is quite hard, my body is getting sorer and sorer but I know I need to do it. I wrestle with this fear in my head that pain equals damage. My physio has been working with me to change this idea. I’ve actively got to challenge my thoughts. Since being diagnosed with cancer pain equals fear / damage and anything bad in my head.
I’m struggling with the idea that surgery is only 10 days away. I feel like it’s just too fast, I’m not ready to feel like I did after surgery last time. Lord please help me to be still and lean into you. I cannot do this but you can.