Last night I went to bed at 10, awoke and 11pm then 12:15am and did not sleep again until 4 am – WTF!!!!
Today I must flat as a flat thing, again that’s not just my chest (another bad joke warning).
I went to acupuncture today and she told me I has many locks after the treatment I felt so much better, if you haven’t tried acupuncture I encourage you give it a go. I then had to have my left chest wound aspirated and ultrasound it because I’m so swollen.
I had started noticing that when I walked the left side of my chest sounded like a sloshing water bottle. Now that is nice. To remove the fluid had to lay on my side with the drain is with my arm as high above my head as possible. My chest was spasming the pain was crazy but I’m glad it’s over.
I realised today that a friend of mine who I thought was visiting me this weekend is actually leaving their kids with me. I’m so dumbfounded and shocked I don’t really know what to do. Is this another sign of me really not sharing with people how I’m really feeling and doing?
I decided to stand up for myself and say that I can’t do it. Anyone who knows me knows just how hard this is for me. Not saying “no” but admitting I cannot do something. When I say this to them they says it’s because of the anniversary of her parents death and there’s no one else. F@#K!!!!
Why do I find myself in this position, feeling like I have to fix things for other people??? Other people say “too bad” or nothing or “no thanks, I still can’t” BUT me I feel half frigging dead, sore as hell, flat and exhausted and I still feel the need to help others. I’m so mad at myself, and I’m mad at my friend.