It’s the 31st of December 2103. Everyone except me goes to the beach and I go to my sister Gerri’s. We just hang out and talk and spend time it is really nice, we also go to lunch with some really close friends of hers. I just did not want to go to the beach with my wound still being so sore, the heat is just not compatible with how I feel, and I certainly wont be going near the water just yet.
So I have a lovely day with my sister Gerri, she is a cancer warrior herself and is an inspiration to me. She has had a double mastectomy and has not had reconstruction. We laugh together about the down side to prosthetics. No matter what you do or how you do it they wander. I am sure when I wear mine it has a goal to be a shoulder pad, it always works its way up my chest to the wrong place.
My sister laughs and talks about how hers usually work themselves together into the middle of her chest, still not a good look! At least we can laugh hey!
New Years Eve comes and goes; it feels so surreal. I’ve never been a real fan of NYE, I am the sort of person that believes when you need to change just do it, don’t wait until a new year comes along think of all the time you’ve wasted!
We spend New Years Eve with my family. The kids have a ball, the adults sit and drink, reminisce, laugh and then as soon as midnight strikes we head home completely stuffed!!! I just have no energy at the moment.
I wake at 3am in our friends house having the most incredible night sweat that I can hardly breathe. I get up; go to the loo, splash water on my face and then curl up in the lounge room where it is a little cooler. They have air con but it is ducted and they don’t have it on so I don’t want to turn it on. I lay out in the dark lounge room for hours until I can go back to bed.
Eventually morning comes and Marc wakes up. He reminds me that I need to start taking the Dex (dexamphetamine) in preparation for the chemo. It hits me, “SHIT chemo starts in 2 days.” Oh man, it didn’t feel real until right now.
I take the dex and a few other supplements I need to begin to take and I am feeling really emotional, like “stop I want to get off, but I can’t. I go and have a cry our friend comes in and spends time with me. She reminds me that no matter what – my mind cannot be touched. My body can be cut and poisoned, but my mind is mine. I can spend time with God, I can focus on whatever I choose too and it will be ok. What a powerful reminder!
We decide to head back home today in the afternoon so we have two sleeps at home before treatment starts. The trip home is peaceful; we are both in our own heads thinking, wondering, “what if” ing. It is nice to be home in our own bed. There is some type of unspoken security about your own bed.