Bald Barren And Boobless

An honest and comical reflection of my journey through breast cancer

Month: July 2016

One day at a time

Gosh I’m on a roll, I had a horrible night again. Hot sweats and achy all through the night, so thankful when the sun came up. I’m seeing my gynecologist today to discuss the treatment option of  having my ovaries removed and also had a blood test today to make sure that my body is responding okay after the completion of chemo.one_day_at_a_time_ocean

The gynecologist was really lovely, he said that he recommends doing a curate of the uterus to ensure that all is okay he also said that he would not charge me as he is sympathetic to my journey and wants to save me as much money as possible.  This literally saves me thousands of dollars.

You see even as a private patient I still have to pay a couple thousand dollars gap. The fact that he is waving his fee means that I still get to go to the private hospital system that is really lovely.

I got home and began the filling my surgery booking forms there are two of them because having two different procedures done on the same day. I’m feeling overwhelmed, tired in their still seems to be so much ahead.

I really need to focus on the promises that my Lord has given me and only look to the day that I’m facing. He does say that “He is the lamp to my feet.”  It’s funny how this verse, these words have always been a struggle for me. As I’m so future focused on such a planner, that I would like a spotlight showing me 3 km down the road. But as usual God knows so much more about what is best for me, than I do….

He knows when I’m present and just focus on the day at hand it is much less overwhelming. I’m still learning this. I came home and slept or actually to slide down until dinner, and I had to literally drag myself off the mattress to cook. One day at a time my supplements from the US arrived today.

Helpful hint; if like me you need to take heaps of supplements there is a website called it is so much cheaper to get quality supplements.  I encourage you to check them out.

It’s a date at the Movies

cinemaseat1I had a pretty bad night sleep, I had hot sweats and I was aching so badly all through the night. It’s on days like this that I’m so thankful when the morning comes and the sun peeks through. Daylight savings over today, bring on the cooler months I say!

Went to church this morning and it was absolutely fantastic service, my journey to date was noted in a praise report and it was great to get support from the whole church family.

It’s things like this that you just can’t put a price on and just can’t be too thankful for. I’m taking Sam and his friend to the movies today.  It’s not my first choice of the movie to see that it will be fun regardless. I do really love the movies, that such a rainy day it’s the perfect place to spend time.

Struggling but blessed

Up early and ready for a professional development seminar today. It’s funny even though then someone well I haven’t been out a stop the driving me to continue to research and grows in terms of my business. Suppose that’s part of being an entrepreneur you just can’t switch off. struggline

I’m so tired and would really love not to go but I need to learn what is on the table today and I also promised to support my colleague. I’m just so achy today.

I made it through to 3 PM and then I hit the wall had to go home and sleep. I’m slowly learning that I need to recognise when my body is screaming at me to stop. I didn’t realise until I got so sick just how much I have  pushed myself over the years, and now my body jus won’t let me get away with it.  Pretty cool safety system really for the stubborn pigheaded side of me.

I felt so much better when I woke up, and had a nice night at home. We made a yummy dinner together and watched a movie it was a really lovely night. It’s funny how different my body feels, things that usually  happen normally take so much longer and things I never noticed before are really painful.  For example,  even things like getting up from a chair and laying in bed can really hurt.  I’m so blessed that I have the most patient and loving  man, by my side on this journey.


The Health system can be frustrating

So work up early today and it an early blood test and I’m seeing my breast surgeon today. I couldn’t get into the blood test. Laverty pathology is absolutely shocking, I make my appointment, I arrive early and there were about nine people already waiting. Some for more than 90 minutes!!!!  The customer service was disgusting I will certainly be writing to them.

frustratedMy Breast Surgeon is ready for 5 May surgery, in case you’ve forgotten this is where I have my other breast removed and potentially my ovaries.  The aim of this surgery from my perspective, is to greatly reduce my chance of the cancer returning to the other breast and to minimise future outbreaks by taking my ovaries which are producing estrogen. In my case estrogen is what is fueling the breast cancer.

Funnily enough my surgeon was nice to me today. The breast care nurses have been great in helping me understand that I don’t get emotional support and encouragement from my surgeon. His job is one and only one, and that is to cut out the cancer and hopefully prevent it from coming back. It was a hard lesson one realise that the emotional side of this treatment does not come at all from my surgeons or specialists but it’s a good lesson to know.

If you’re not getting support from your medical professionals, and I support I mean the emotional side, and it’s really important that you get some people into the corner that can support your emotional needs; it’s essential.  Whilst this is  physical condition it really knocks you about emotionally.

I then went to HCF, bad idea. I couldn’t get my psychology refunded and I got so little back for acupuncture it was almost a joke. Apparently you can’t go privately to psychology before you’ve exhausted Medicare. Another part of our health system that I don’t understand.

Sam went to youth group tonight, and Marc and I went to a friend’s celebration party for his acceptance to the bar – as a Barrister.  It was great to celebrate with him. So tired but that was a good night but I really need to sleep in tomorrow is a really big day.  It’s hard to balance having fun, socialising and the ever decreasing capacity I have.

Taking charge of my health

I saw my nutritionist today; she is positive that we can decrease pain and improve my thyroid function. She has me on some herbs and two new supplements to decrease folic acid, activate vitamin B12 which will all decrease pain and increase energy. Of course all of this sounds great to me.

She also asked me to begin strength training with the aim to decrease circulating cortisol and increase adrenal function. The aim of this is to improve my thyroid and hormones. HEALTH-National-healthy-living-Day-300x278

What I can recommend to all of you following and reading, is encourage you to get in contact with functional medicine specialists that will help you get your life back. Please don’t stop where the oncology and the breast cancer surgeons stop. In their mind they’ve cut, burned and poisoned your body and the job is done. However we live in this carnage that is wreaked havoc on our bodies and we need to deal with the symptoms and the side-effects of all of this treatment and get back to our lives and the best way we can.

These doctors try their best and have great intentions but the truth is that I live in our body that I know what it feels like to have fatigue, pain, emotional tension, fear and other lingering side-effects such as menopause. They don’t understand that you no longer feel like you used to before this life changing diagnosis and they don’t know what to do help us.

This is where we need to truly rise above and do what is right for us because after all it is our life and we need to get back and get back in quality not necessarily quantity.

I also had acupuncture today which is always good. If you’ve never tried this I encourage you to give it a go it has really helped me get through the worst of the treatments.

Came home and slept until 5 PM then had a swim as it was really hot.  Whoever you are, what have you been through, with you had breast cancer, another cancer or any other chronic illness I encourage you to learn, to understand your illness, to do whatever you need to do to take charge of health.  You are worth it!

Fixed but Broken

I spent time today with my lovely friend Rachel. I realised on a new level that I need to take time to nurture myself, to find the answer me to laugh just sit enjoy and spend time with the people that I love.

Went to the Cancer support group tonight and we talked about sexual health and I learned that I have most of the symptoms of menopause. As a woman in my prime this was really hard to hear.

I also learned that this is a season, most things improve and that the idea of use it or lose it remains very very important. The women leading the group encouraged us to view this as an opportunity to reinvent our relationships. I also got lots of great encouragement for the article in the newspaper that was released recently.

brokeIt broke my heart to hear how many women in the group didn’t know about the symptoms that they were suffering and the impact of having on the relationships. So many of them talked about being disconnected from their husbands and partners and not being able to explain to them what the problem was.

So many women felt the body was ugly and broken, and didn’t know what to do about where to begin to repair and heal.  This really breaks my heart, as the cancer may no longer be active in many of these cases but these women are still leading painful and broken lives emotionally and physically and even spiritually.


Just stay connected.

It’s day 17 after my last chemo treatment. I wake with a foggy head and a headache that feels like I have been kicked in the head by a horse.  Graphic enough for you? In fact I was tossing and turning most of the night with the hot flashes and this awful headache. I truly feel like there’s just so much toxin that is trying to escape my body. connected

I ate breakfast and then felt sick and wondered was this the Tamoxifen or not? There’s so many things that could be. I felt really flat for most of the day and having hot flashes and is horrible dull headache.

Tonight I have a date night with my lovely husband. Ladies even though you may not feel like it it’s so important to continue to spend quality time with the ones you love. Please remember they’ve lost so much as well and they’re trying to navigate this journey with you. We went to dinner and a movie it was lovely despite having really restless legs and feeling really achy and tired. All in all a lovely night.

Just a little side note, in fact it should be more than a side note this should have flashing lights attached.

Your loved ones are your world please stay connected to them. I know that you get sick of yourself I know how sick of myself I am. If you are like me, You’re so sick of feeling sick. But just remember that they love you and they can’t read your mind. Just stay connected, keep communicating, do what you can and you will get through this journey look back and be in awe.

I’m a successful distraction

I woke today with a really foggy head – such a pea-souper. I really cannot think clearly I’m so confused it’s really really weird.  Is it the tamoxifen? Chemo brain? Lack of sleep?How ever, miracles….. the headache got better after I did a coconut oil pull.  Woo hoo!!

Now for all of you doubters out there I know it sounds weird. I’ve read an Eastern medicine technique called oil pulling. You put a teaspoon of coconut oil in your mouth and it gently melts and you just swishing around to 15 minutes then you spit it out. distractions

I was a doubter, I thought it was weird, I didn’t believe it but guess what it works. It really got rid of my headache this morning and it’s also great for general detoxing and mouth health. Why not give it a try what have you got to lose?

I’m already for the new endocrinologist and then having lunch with Moni.  The doctor was great I need more tests like a bone density scan, thyroid scan and lots of blood tests. Had a great afternoon with Moni, we are  finally home spent but happy.

I’m really a achy and tonight so I take some pain meds.  I don’t know why I feel like I’m giving up when I do this. I would never say this to anyone else and I knew was in pain.

Want to hear something funny?  Today while I was at the shops at grandma was looking after a toddler The toddler was in the middle of one of those almighty tantrums.  The poor lady was obviously lost and didn’t know what else to do so instead she pointed out the lady with no hair.  I saw her point in my general direction and thought who is she talking about? After looking around frantically I realised she was pointing at me. I’m still not sure how I feel about it but I’ll let that one lie.