I was awake until 1 am. I’m so frustrated and exhausted. I wake slowly again and realise that I have a big to-do list today. I have many phone calls, emails and doctors appointments to do today. We also have people coming to dinner, I don’t know what I was thinking.
I’m completely exhausted just thinking about what’s ahead of me today. My energy is so low, I have burrning diarrhea, not sure how I’m going to get through. A high point is that today is the last injection that I need to give myself. It’s those injections to boost my blood from the effects of chemo. What an accomplishment. I still remember the fear and trepidation as I hovered shakily over my own stomach the first time with that needle.
Some people have to give themselves injections every single day, again you are my hero. It amazes me how much you are able to overcome when you just put one foot in front of the other.
Amazingly I got through my to-do list today, but I did not rest. I pray that tonight I do not pay the price, but it was just one of those mad days. How am I ever going to find the balance, or is it accepting that sometimes you have those days?
The day started off really slow. I got the kids off to school, did some shopping and then I literally hit the wall. I am as flat as a flat thing. I am craving sugar, I feel sick, I’m so hot and bothered. To top it off, the pain in my joints is unbelievable.
I wanted to go for a walk, I know it’s good for me, but I just couldn’t do it. It’s a miracle though, I managed to cook dinner and we have Connect Group at our home tonight. I really don’t feel like I have the energy to see anyone, but I know it will be worth it.
I’ve never felt so empty, so drained, so emotionally numb. It sounds horrible but I almost wish my body was numb. It’s such a weird situation when your emotions are not there, you’re so tired you can’t feel anything but there’s so much pain and discomfort in your body.
I pray for anyone who goes through this treatment or any other type of illness where you are in such pain on a long-term basis. I really don’t know how you do it and you are my hero.
I slept pretty badly again. I was so aching and hot all night long. I woke in a really really bad mood and unfortunately took it out on my poor man. I’m sure this journey is so hard for the partners, the husbands, the men who stand by their wives. I’m trying so hard not to take it out on him but I just have no ability to stop myself.
We’re late getting off to school this morning, Marc can get really frustrated when we run late. The kids struggle when Dad is angry, as he is always so happy. They retreat into themselves. I see it and want to reach out, but have nothing in the tank. So I watch, get sad and think that I will attend to that when I am able.
I worry for my quiet child. So sensitive and such a big heart. Lord please let him know security in you like no other. Please be there for him if/when I’m not.
I slept most of the day. I did a little tidying up but I’m really not up to much. The story with the local paper was easier than I thought. I pray they represent me accurately. I’m only sharing my story to help others. If one other woman reads this article and has a breast check, then it’s been worth it.