Wow, it’s a miracle – I slept in and I slept well too. Today is a big day, I meet with Luke and Scott, formerly from MKR, aka “the clean eating guys”. I’m so excited!! I get Sam to school early and I need to get to Bondi by 9.30am. My step daughter is going for her P’s today, she’s nervous but I believe she is ready.
So funny how different perspectives work. When I made this meeting, both guys said, let’s catch up late morning. Late morning to me is 1030 to 11. Because they’ve been up since the crack of dawn, 9.30am is late to them.
So I made it just in time, sat down in the cafe with my chemo cap on and waited for these two guys to enter the cafe. I felt quite self-conscious. When they arrived they were so friendly that I forgot about that really quickly. Scott is really easy to talk to and very understanding as he’s had chronic illness before. Luke is crazy and cheeky.
Both were so generous with their time, to meet with a stranger and offer advice on how to be healthier. I was so impacted that they took time out to help and support me.
Both guys were very keen to hear from me and said that they would be happy to help, especially in the area of clean eating. The first step for me is to keep a food diary for a few weeks so they can see exactly what I’m up to.
I’m so keen for this process to result in me feeling healthier than I have in such a long time. Why not?
On the way home I go to Bondi to do some birthday shopping for my man. I catch up with an old friend and then get a phone call to say that my step daughter has successfully got her P plates, so proud of her. What an awesome day !!!
I slept ok with the help of Mr Valium. I woke at 1.30 am on fire! These menopause symptoms really suck. I had to stand up in front of the fan and spray myself with cold water. Eventually I cooled down. It’s hard to cool down when the heat is coming from the inside out.
So when the alarm went off today , to say I was not keen to get up is an understatement. I had to literally drag myself from the mattress.
Today we saw the Financial Planner who explained that we should be getting an answer from the insurer this week regarding any financial support we are entitled to while I am having treatment, recovering and not working.
To date the entire cost has been borne by us, thank goodness we refinanced our mortgage and had some wiggle room. Imagine for yourself, one day you find out you have a chronic and long term illness and you stop work pretty much immediately without an end point. That’s what happened to us.
Let me tell you despite private health cover, this process is not cheap. In fact it’s really expensive. So this has been a real challenge in more ways than one. Yes private health is such a blessing but the gap required on all treatments is significant.
The waiting game has been so frustrating, but I need to keep reminding myself, God has our back. He has a plan and when we need to know, He will let us know.
I went back to bed mid morning exhausted, and stayed there until after 4pm. I sleep so much but never really wake feeling rested. It’s quite annoying. You think that basic math would work in terms of catch up sleep, but here it does not.
I took Betty (our pup) for a walk, and tonight we had puppy school. She is truly the naughtiest pup in school, we have the problem child for sure. Tomorrow is a big day, I meet with the clean eating Bondi boys of MKR fame, and Moni sits her P plate drivers test. It’s a big day ahead, have your way Lord!
I wake after an average sleep, today I see my Oncologist. In general my doctor is really happy. She says my white cells are low, but manageable. She explains that my body has handled the chemotherapy relatively well. I put this down to being so meticulous with my diet.
I’ve tried so hard to nourish my body with good food and rest. I haven’t been perfect at this but I’ve given it a great shot. Because I’ve handled the chemotherapy so well my doctor thinks we can move my second surgery forward to the end of April, instead of June. This means I will have my second breast removed and begin the reconstructive process at this time. I’m also considering having my ovaries removed as the tumours were oestrogen driven.
This afternoon we get more questions from our Insurer about my claim for financial support. They are questioning whether or not I knew that cancer was present before I put in a claim. We know this is the insurance companies job to question every aspect, but the idea that they are questioning my integrity really, really hurts.
All I can do is give this to God and believe that He has it in his hands. Tonight we were with our amazing Connect Group from church. It was such an amazing and supportive night. The importance of being surrounded by such positive, uplifting and supportive friends is beyond words. God you are so gracious and loving it is beyond my words to explain how much you mean to me. Your Love alone can move mountains. I am so glad I can share this very big, very ugly, very immoveable mountain with You.
So it’s Monday. Last night it was really hard to get to sleep, but eventually I did. So when I’m woken this morning by my alarm I don’t really want to listen. I feel so washed out, so tired, so sore, it is really hard to explain.
I wonder if I am ever going to bounce out of bed again? Is this a distant dream that I need to let go of? Am I just teasing myself with the idea of bouncing out of bed full of joy and energy? I really don’t know the answer to that.
I woke up with such a big list of things to do. I got home after the school drop-off and my metaphorical petrol tank was completely empty. I went back to my bed and literally didn’t leave.
I dragged myself out of bed at 5 o’clock in the afternoon and walked the dog. I felt better afterward. I’m still so sore and so tired. There’s this really strong desire in me to find the balance, but what does this mean? Is this another way to tease myself? Is there such a thing as balance?
I fear that my life will never be the same again. I have a sneaking suspicion that my life as I knew it is long gone and has been replaced by something that is not familiar and not wanted. In order to keep moving forward I need to find the good, the hopeful, the light. I don’t know how to do this, but what I do know is that I’m not going to stop looking.
It’s Sunday, so today I went to church. There was great message from Robert Ferguson. I’m thankful for all I learn each time I’m in the house. I’m sore and really tired, but so glad to get home.
I spend some special time just lying with Marc, it’s so lovely just to lie next to him. Tonight we have our usual Sunday dinner, it’s family night. Do you have traditions like this?
We find it so important to put time aside just for the family. If we don’t do this, the week can slip by and we haven’t really connected. So, on Sunday night we get together, have a yummy meal and spend some quality time together.
It was only a few years ago that family night was every night. How fast things change. Within the blink of an eye you look around you and don’t recognise anything. As your kids grow they spend less time with you so you need to grab whatever time you can. One thing this cancer journey has helped me do is to get clarity on how important my relationships are.
When you’re faced with the potential of having less time on this planet, it’s very clear, very quickly what’s important. The to do list goes out the door, all those unimportant things you stressed yourself out with over the years are forgotten, and what really matters is the people in your world.
So I challenge you, if your wheels are spinning, your world is full, and you don’t know which way is up, stop and take a breath. Take stock of what’s really important because you never know what tomorrow will bring.