vulnerability-signsmaller-1024x682I woke early today, feeling pretty good actually. I did another 40 mins on my Pilates reformer, you know it feels great to move my body again. Marc and I then headed out to Cronulla to have breakfast with some friends in Cronulla.

On the way to Cronulla I get a message from my previous  GP saying he has received a requested to provide information and he is confused as to the context. I call him and he says my insurer has contacted him asking about my mental health. Bloody insurer, they are trying to discredit me already!! I make an appointment to see my GP that day.

I feel so insulted that they are trying to catch me in a lie.  I pride myself on being honest so this really hits me hard.  I know this is just a process but this has become very personal for me.

I then place a call to my Financial planner and leave a message. I am furious! What has my mental health history got to do with a breast cancer diagnosis? You see my background in the rehabilitation industry has seen on many occasions, good people having claims not honoured through a loop hole, I won’t let them do this to me!

Breakfast is lovely, right on the beach.  but I am dreadfully distracted buy the furore in my head.   I enjoy my food thinking tomorrow I will be as sick as a dog again so make the most of it. After breakfast I get a call back from my financial planner. He explains that the insurer is confused because in the past I have been quoted as having anxiety, stress and been prescribed valium. I explained that this was all to do with the IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), which is clearly stated in the insurance paperwork.

My poor Financial planner, he can hear how angry and insulted I am, he explains it is part of the process and they want to ensure I have not left out any important info in relation to my health. If I have then they will not honour the claim. I also find out they contacted a psychologist I saw years ago to have some counselling. Really private stuff and they just get to go through it.  I feel really exposed and traumatised. “How dare they!” I scream to myself.

Now I am feeling vulnerable and out of control. If I don’t get any financial support during my illness it will drastically change the course of my recovery. I may need to make financially driven decisions about do I or do I not have complimentary medicine? It is really expensive.

I realise how blessed I am to even have insurance as many do this the hard ay with none.  I take my hat off to anyone who has done this without insurance or without the financial backing to have what treatment you want to have.  Truly, I can’t imagine how hard it must be to go through this and to be in financial hardship.  To the point, Marc and I have survived by refinancing our mortgage.

My mind is going at 1000 miles per hour.   On the way home we pick up a friend of our son’s bring him home for a catch up, we make lunch, have some visitors, go shopping, make dinner, clean up, cover bloody school books and I fall into bed.

I know I am doing it early but I also know I am going to be out of action for the next week potentially after the next round of chemo. I am absolutely dreading the thought of tomorrow…….