I’m wide awake, I’m having intense hot flushes, I just don’t know what to do with myself. I think a good option is to spray myself and stand in front of the fan.
What a sorry sight I must be standing in the darkness of my bedroom. One boob, no hair, bald as a badger and sweating from head to toe. I know what a beautiful site you must be imagining right now.
Eventually the hot flush subsides and I contemplate going back to bed. However it’s not that simple, the intensity of these hot flashes mean that I am wide awake so sleep is not an option for a while to come. Thank goodness for recorded episodes of “The Block.” I promise you, this has saved my life. Combined with the fact that my husband can sleep while I have the TV on its such a blessing.
I eventually wake at 6:30 AM after falling asleep around 4 AM. I feel like I have a hangover, I really need to sort out this insomnia. How on earth is anyone meant to function with no sleep.
In general my pain is a little less today, I’m tired but I’m getting used to plodding along anyway. Again no rest today too many things to do. I need my blood test to track my body’s response to the last round of chemo as well as seeing if I’m ready for the next round.
I also have a visit from two good friends both are also work colleagues and keep me in the loop as to what’s been happening in the world of business. One of them is a lady in a complimentary business that we have worked with the years. The other has been my partner in business so many years. Both of these women are tremendous gifts to my life.
At the end of their visit my business partner mentions that if I am open to it she may consider buying me out of our business. This comes as both a shock as well as an opportunity. Because I don’t know what the future holds it may be worth considering how I can simplify things.
However, another part of me feels like one of my dreams has just been taken away. We always had a big vision for our business. To think this may change in a way that I never expected challenges me. Again I need to take some time and see what is going to be best for me and for the business. I also need to remember that her intention is to take pressure off of me and give me the space to get better.
I went for another swim tonight. These hot flushes are so exhausting, depleting, disgusting, frustrating. My hair that had just started to grow back has begun to fall out again. I think I’m going to go for the clean skin that look and just shave my head whenever I need it. I don’t want to look like a sucked out mango. Again another beautiful visual for you all.