Bald Barren And Boobless

An honest and comical reflection of my journey through breast cancer

Month: November 2014 (page 2 of 2)

Meeting a fellow Warrior

warrior womanI slept well again –the difference being no Endone last night, a further improvement! I woke early as Marc is playing at church this morning, we were being silly mucking around and ended up laughing so hard we couldn’t do anything else for a good few minutes.

It was so good to have a good old belly laugh – man it is good for the soul. He leaves for church and I have a few sacred hours to myself in the house where it is quiet.   I cherish these moments when everyone else is asleep and I just get to sit and enjoy the stillness. It is one of my favourite times.

The church service was amazing and afterwards we had arranged to meet with another couple who are on a similar journey. The difference being, she was diagnosed a month before me, and because of her cancer being different she has had to have chemo before surgery.

It was so lovely meeting them both. I recognised her straight away as she had the cancer cap on. She looked weak but strong on the inside. We talked, I asked many questions like “why the chemo first?”

She explained that she wanted to preserve as much breast tissue as possible so she could potentially have a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy. She is the only in her family to be diagnosed so has a very different view of breast cancer to me.

It was so lovely to speak with another woman who understand the fears, the concerns, the feelings of being so sick that blinking is too much. She encouraged me to rest as rest is healing and when you allow our body to heal you recover faster.   I call her my warrior woman friend.  She inspires me so much and she understands what it’s like.  The picture has been chosen strategically.  In all of the pictures available each of the women is really voluptuous, which no longer connects with me, so I picked this one.

An added bonus, our Husbands connected really well which was wonderful. There is so little support for the men standing with their women through this awful journey. So we plan to stay in touch, to resource and support each other. She gave me a contact for the cancer caps so if and when I decide to use them I can get some.

They looked funky on her and I am sure at least initially and in certain settings I will want to wear one. I am generally feeling a little better today, less pain, mouth ulcers still awful, still tired, digestion a little better but ovulation pain is really bad.

So if you are reading this and are on the journey too, find someone you can connect with, even if it’s online. Having someone who knows what you are going through makes such a difference.

Waiting and watching for the inevitable.

persist quoteI can’t believe it I slept like a log. When I finally woke I felt like I had a hangover.- believe me it was a slow start to the day. I am a little sore, probably after the Pilates. But hey, it a positive sore. YAY! I cannot tell you how nice it is to have a good sore for once.

For months now each time something is sore there has been some type of catastrophe or trauma associated with it, today it’s because I exercised – woohoo! I have developed mouth ulcers, hang on let’s say GI tract ulcers. I am pretty sure they go most of the way down. Each time I eat I can feel them burning and sore. They are all trough my nose also, any mucous membrane. I have been a little slack with the mouth wash.

One of the many tips they give you is to wash many times each day with a bicarb mouth wash to avoid or help with mouth ulcers. I keep forgetting and am also so dang tired that I lay in bed and think, “should do mouth wash, nahh couldn’t be stuffed.” So this would be me paying the price for that now.

I am now day 9 since chemo began and they say anywhere from Day 13-21 your hair will begin to fall out. I am psyching myself up for it. It is a weird thing to be waiting for. I’ve read some weird experiences. Some people wake up and their hair is on the pillow. One poor lady woke to find her eyebrows staring back at her from the pillow. Now that would be difficult to describe.

As a normal woman we spend most of our adult life trying to rid ourselves of excess or any hair in the so-called unacceptable places. Now I am waiting and watching to lose it all. I mean literally all. You lose, head hair, eyebrows eyelashes, leg hair pubic hair EVERYTHING! Talk about head spin.

That step makes it really real; I can no longer hide. Yes I don’t look or feel well now but no one knows unless I tell them. When your bald everyone knows it’s the BIG C.

As I am day 9 now I have 12 days until the next round. So I will begin to feel “almost normal” with the exception of the tiredness and some of the longer lasting symptoms before I go back and say “Sing it again Sam.”

I am having ovulation pain today that means my ovaries have not stopped functioning with the first dose of chemo, they will with the next round for sure. I look forward to the day when my energy is back, look out world.

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