Bald Barren And Boobless

An honest and comical reflection of my journey through breast cancer

Month: October 2014 (page 2 of 2)

Yay! It’s Chemotherapy day!!! Part 2

chemotherapy picChemotherapy is so toxic. It attacks and kills not just cancer, but also all the living, healthy cells in the body and completely cripples the body’s immune system. –

So as the real chemotherapy enters my body I actually do get a headache and begin to feel nauseous. Now I am second-guessing myself, is it real or am I Imagining it? I ensure that we ask every question we have and take notes. Marc has to do this as I am still wearing the ice gloves.

I feel a little more relaxed, there is some tingling in the hands and feet, we advise the Nurse as this is a bad sign and they slow down the delivery of the drugs. I look around the room to notice that cancer is completely indiscriminate. There are young and old here, men and women. All at various stages, some with hair, some without. Some look otherwise normal, some look really sick.

Marc and I have strangely enough had fun today, we have laughed, talked, joked about. It’s been rather lovely really. Apart from the fact I have a raging headache, feel like I want to vomit and have a weird buzzing pain all over my body, I have had a lovely day.

We have spoken bout he possibility of the new edition to the family in the form of a pup. Marc states that he really didn’t intend to suggest we bought a puppy. I ask him honestly how he feels and he is quite excited. He just won’t show it.

I suggest we just go and look at her and ask some questions. For example how do we ensure that the pup and our older dog get along? We cannot upset our older dog, he has been with us for 14 years.

So we agree that we will pop in and have a look at the pet store. After all we need to head the get some drugs from the chemist, I need a combination of uppers and downers, inners and outers, drugs to make you go potty and drugs to stop you, what a mess.

My tummy is percolating as we leave at 5pm and head to the shops. My body is buzzing and everything feels really surreal. I am in for a ride I reckon.  I determined to remain calm amidst the storm.

Yay! It’s Chemotherapy day!!! Part 1

ImageDid you know how toxic Chemotherapy is? Did you know that 9 out of 10 American Oncologists would refuse chemotherapy if they had cancer? That’s up to 91% — a huge percentage that clearly shines a light on the truth: chemotherapy kills.

I wake after a very broken sleep, and realise a sharp reality “Yay! It’s chemo day!!” I pack a bag of goodies; they tell you to take snacks, medication, questions and things to keep you busy. I took some healthy snacks, music, some books and a blanket so I was comfy.

On the way Marc shows me a picture of a puppy he saw in the pet store a few days ago, it is a mini pin (Miniature Pinscher or Doberman) just like our lovely old dog Benjamin. You don’t see them in pet stores very often. He captions the pic with “Please will you love me?” and sends it to the kids.

I think she (the pup) is gorgeous and immediately begin to want to get her and have her all for myself. I go into lengthy justifications as to why it would be a good idea as I will need company and someone/thing to love whilst recuperating, plus I have the time to train her. Yadda yadda – I’m sold…… Now to convince Marc.

We leave in the car towards a total unknown; the car ride is eerily quiet. I play one of my favourite songs by Kari Jobe called “Steady my Heart” with beautiful words about the challenges of life, and leaning onto our Almighty Comforter to get rest. She sings “I’m not gonna worry, I know that you’ve got me right inside the palm of your hand.”  I find my eyes welling up with the anxiety of today and the thankfulness I have that God is with me for every step.

We arrive and don’t wait for too long before our Oncology Nurse “Justin” takes us in to our armchair of destruction. Justin is really relaxed and lovely, he is very aware of how anxious we are and he did well to make us feel more comfortable. He explained everything, answering our enormous list of questions. We take some pictures of me with my new look, the ice gloves. This is to protect your fingernails from falling off due to the toxic effects of the treatment.

He inserts the Cannula and sets up the bag. He leaves me to relax and I begin to feel a headache coming on. I am trying not to imagine the toxin entering my body. My arm even begins to burn at the site of the cannula and up my arm.  I have been told to imagine it as healing light. However, I am struggling with this.  I feel fear erin to grip me.

Justin returns to put another bag up, I ask him what it is and he says, “Oh the treatment is about to start.” I’m am shocked and ask what has been entering my body already, he explains “ Only saline!!”

Oh my, the power of the mind! What a powerful lesson!  So as I am smacked between the eyes with my own over reaction I determine to settle in and get this first treatment done and done well. As the famous quote says : “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you’re right.

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