I slept well again! Woo hoo for Endone! I woke at 7am, it’s almost a miracle. The tiredness is still overwhelming; it is truly hard to explain.
I have a fuzzy head and it’s like I am trying to think but my head is full of custard (weird analogy but the best I can do). I still have indigestion that would mame most horses and my tongue is numb. It is the weirdest thing.
Also my taste buds have changed, I can no longer taste anything but this persistent metallic taste – it is not pleasant. Everything tastes like this persistent unpleasant metal taste, even chocolate…… It’s heart breaking stuff. The only thing that tastes normal is liquorice, weird hey? Lucky I like liquorice.
I went on an outing on my own today to the shops! Now that’s progress. I think I need to have small daily projects, like “go to the shops ,” “get dressed,” “shower.” Small steps baby.
Honestly, if my to do list grows much more than that I am setting myself up for failure. I do believe a big part of this journey for me is redefining that I am not what I do. I am who I am and I am enough. I do not need to prove myself through my works. I have been trying to prove myself through my works for many years and believe me it is exhausting.
I did 40 minutes on the Pilates reformer today so that was a huge achievement. Look, it is slow and it is gentle but its movement, Yay!
Being such an over achiever for such a long time this experience has real smacked me between the eyes. I cannot push through or past this, it has me at its mercy and I must obey. So I will listen to the wisdom of my body, I will accept myself for where I am at, I will appreciate the smallest things.
For example just sitting in the front yard watching Bettty Boo chase insects and butterflies. It is such a simple thing to do but I would never have taken the time to do that before. Daily small miracles is what it is all about.